LITTLE JOHNNY IN SCHOOL
Little Johnny is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says,
"Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!"
The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy
says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving
none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"
Little Johnny then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?" The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone." To which the little boy replies, "Actually, it's the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the
way YOU think!!"
PASS OR FAIL
Little Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he'd done
so well during the year that the teacher suggested to the principal
that they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he'd missed.
The principal agreed so they called Johnny into the office, explained,
then the teacher asked, "Johnny what does a cow have four of, that I only have two of?" Johnny replied, "Legs."
The teacher asked, "Johnny, what do you have in your pants that I don't have in my pants?" Johnny replied, "Pockets."
The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is the capital of Italy?"
Johnny replied. "Rome."
The teacher turned to the principal and asked, "Should we pass him?" The principal replied sheepishly , "Better not ask me, I got the first two wrong!"
SEX
Little Johnny was a curious little guy and was always asking questions. One day, when his aunt was visiting, he went into his typical interrogation.
Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, how old are you?
Auntie: Well Johnny, that's not a question that you ask a lady.
Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, how much do you weigh?
Auntie: Johnny! That's not a question you ask a lady.
Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, why don't you and your
boyfriend sleep in the same bed?
Auntie: Johnny, stop this! That's not a question you ask a lady!
Johnny went off to play but the next day he was talking to his aunt again.
Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, I know how old you are. You're 32 years old
Auntie: Johnny! How do you know that?
Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, I know how much you weigh. You're 135 pounds.
Auntie: Johnny! How do you know that?
Johnny: And Auntie, Auntie, Auntie. I know why you don't sleep in the same bed as your boyfriend.
Auntie: Johnny! Stop this! How do you know all this?
Johnny: Well, I found your driver's license last night. Here it says that
you're 32 years old and here it says that you weigh 135 pounds. And right down here it explains why you don't sleep in the same bed as your boyfriend.
Auntie: Where does it say that?
Johnny: Right here. It says you got an "F" in Sex.
Forever young - PR |
