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To: Ms. X who wrote (2723)	5/1/1998 11:33:00 AM
From: Ms. X	Respond to of 34811

Ok, I know this isn't the joke thread but... I thought this too funny to pass up. You've Been in Corporate America Too Long When.... 1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are. 2. You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organization." 3. You refer to dating as test marketing. 4. You can spell "paradigm." 5. You actually know what a paradigm is. 6. You understand your airline's fare structure. 7. You write executive summaries on your love letters. 8. Your Valentine's Day cards have bullet points. 9. You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten page presentation with six other people you don't know. 10. You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review. 11. You believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and "improvement opportunities." 12. You calculate your own personal cost of capital. 13. You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as"highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt." 14. You end every argument by saying "let's talk about this offline". 15. You can explain to somebody the difference between "re-engineering," "down-sizing," "right-sizing," and "firing people's asses." 16. You actually believe your explanation in number 15. 17. You talk to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late. 18. You refer to your previous life as "my sunk cost." 19. You refer to your significant other as "my co-CEO." 20. You like both types of sandwiches: ham and turkey. 21. You start to feel sorry for Dilbert's boss. 22. You believe the best tables and graphs take an hour to comprehend. 23. You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an expense. 24. You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child. 25. At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting bout their brand equity. 26. Your "deliverable" for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid bills. 27. You use the term "value-added" without falling down laughing. 28. You ask the car salesman if the car comes with a whiteboard and Internet connection. 29. You give constructive feedback to your dog.

To: Ms. X who wrote (2723)	5/1/1998 11:39:00 AM
From: Ms. X	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 34811

Here is another... 30 Fun things to do in an elevator 1. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. 2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, damnit, all of you just shut UP!" 3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. 4. Crack open your briefcase or purse and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" 5. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down. 6. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 7. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves 8. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!" 9. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 10. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. 11. Star, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" 12. When at least eight people have boarded, moan from the back: " Oh not now, damn motion sickness!" 13. Meow occasionally. 14. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. 15. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!" 16. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. 17. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. 18. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 19. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "you're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. 20 Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!" 21. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. 22. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?" 23. Say "Ding!" at each floor. 24. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons. 25. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. 26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." 27. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?" 28. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 29. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 30. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.