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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Gauguin who wrote (10421)5/4/1998 8:28:00 PM
From: Rambi  Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 71178
 
At least your experience had religious overtones. Maybe it wasn't a pigeon; maybe it was a descending dove, which might account for the velocity. A dive bomb effect. You may actually have received a divine blessing from above, airmail-similar to the one the boys and I had when we sat on the steps of St. Paul's and sang Feed the Birds. People gave us a wide berth, but as we were in the throes of religious ecstasy, we weren't offended. We were sitting where Julie Andrews had once sat. Another profound experience occurred at the top of the Eiffel Tower from whence Chevy Chase had thrown his beret in European Vacation (followed by a very small and stupid dog). Probably one of my greatest moments was spinning around in circles on a hilltop in Salzburg and singing loudly, "The hills are alive..." while the rest of the tourbus watched in horror and Dan snapped lots of photos.

Somehow I seem to have migrated from excretory experiences to spiritual revelations....



To: Gauguin who wrote (10421)5/4/1998 9:46:00 PM
From: username  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 71178
 
The Great Aspen Cheesecake Caper

June, 1966

Mean about 7 buddies decided to go to Aspen right after we graduated from high school. Knew a guy that was 3 years older that lived there, drove up in 2 cars to Get Really Drunk and Puke. 3 hour drive.

Arrived at the Rendezvous which turned out to be a trailer in a trailer park. Obtained the fermented malt beverage and began the Ritual Dance. Regular Occupants of trailer were not there, not a problem, everything is cool, have a beer.

Noticed that there was nothing in the refrigerator but cheesecakes. Lots of cheesecakes. Nothing but cheesecakes. Cheesecakes on all the shelves, too.

Believe it or not, I didn't Put It Together. I was a Rookie.

Midnight came. Neighbor called gendarmes, gendarmes arrived. All was pretty much casual until Deputy Bob noticed that there appeared to be a Large Amount of Cheesecake sitting around. This, it turned out, was his Big Clue, and he deftly kept us from escaping by saying, "OK, you boys be quiet now."

We foolishly thought he was gone...but...

Ten minutes later, The Aspen Police Department rounded up the Crazed Cheesecake Bandits and hauled them off to the Aspen Jailhouse.

We went quietly.

Once we were there, one of us at a time was taken out of the "holding cell" (a regular jail cell but it seemed rather cramped at that time) and Questioned By the Authorities about The Cheesecake.

All of us smoked cigarettes. After about an hour the smokes were gone, so Donnie and Mike started rolling their own out of butts and a magazine that somebody had in his coat pocket. When those were gone, they made those butts into smokes. Then, there was no more smokes.

That was when I realized that Jail was a Bad Thing. I couldn't get out.

My turn came. The Deputy questioned me about a Guy I Didn't Know and had never heard of. He questioned me about what I was doing in Aspen, when I arrived, when I was leaving, and all that. Turns out the Guy I Didn't Know was a Known Criminal and a Suspicious Photograph of him has been taken as evidence in the Search of the Trailer. The Guy I Didn't Know was also involved in other Criminal Activity (one might surmise that he had Knocked Off The Cheesecake Truck) but details were released on a Need to Know basis so that was the only detail that I heard, except for...

the good part. He asked me if I had ever heard of Marijuana. I said, "What's that?" (I never had heard of it.)

He explained that the Guy I Didn't Know was a Salesman of Marijuana. He explained in great detail what the Symptoms of Marijuana Use were, and I still recall his lecture very clearly.

Here is what happens when you smoke Marijuana: first, you see colors that are not real. Then you start laughing. Then your mouth feels dry. Then your salivary glands stop functioning. Then, your tongue gets dry and smaller. Then, your tongue dries up and you have no tongue and you can't talk. Then, your brain gets little holes in it that fill up with fluid and then you get a stroke and you go insane and you could even die. And the Deputy had seen this happen on several occasions, this one really pretty girl about my age with no tongue and a stroke, so I should never smoke Marijuana ever ever. I promised that I would not.

Then they let us all go and we went back to the trailer and drank more beer and the next day we drove home. Not one of us had ever heard of Marijuana prior to the lecture by the Deputy of the Aspen Police.

That was before there was Long Hair. It's different now.