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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: EL KABONG!!! who wrote (290)	5/6/1998 9:14:00 PM
From: Vanni Resta	Respond to of 2733

That can be a problem, when the most important line of a joke is missing. Happy Investing! Vanni

To: EL KABONG!!! who wrote (290)	5/12/1998 7:25:00 PM
From: Vanni Resta	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

These must be from Steven Wright, but they came unattributed. >> Subject: Random Thoughts >> >> >> Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. >> >> One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. >> >> Atheism is a nonprophet organization. >> >> If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and >> apes? >> >> The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the >> bad >> girls live. >> >> I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help >> section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. >> >> If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they >> all >> still working? >> >> And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it? >> >> If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is >> no woman around to hear him - is he still wrong? >> >> If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is >> it >> considered a hostage situation? >> >> Is there another word for synonym? >> >> Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?" >> >> Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" >> >> What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered >> plant? >> >> If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? >> >> Would a fly without wings be called a walk? >> >> Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will >> clean them? >> >> If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? >> >> Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? >> >> Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? >> >> If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to >> remain >> silent? >> >> Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? >> >> How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? >> >> Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? >> >> Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? >> >>