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Gold/Mining/Energy : At a bottom now for gold? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Alan Whirlwind who wrote (1150)	5/27/1998 4:23:00 PM
From: Alan Whirlwind	Read Replies (4) \| Respond to of 1911

Pinky's Tailing Box: a weekly Wednesday presentation of At a Bottom now for Gold... UnterseeBooten: the exploits of the U-13... "Oberleutnant--take over the periscope." "Ya vold!...Herr K†pitan Greenspahn--two ships!" "Markings?" "Zee USS POG unt HMS POS on a zig-zag course right for us." "Ready all torpedoes; vee shall hit zem vis a full spread.." "Torpedoes ready." "Fire torpedoes." "Torpedoes firing: ein, zwei...Herr K†pitan, zee POG unt POS are both sinking." "Very Goot, Oberleutnant. Zee commodities are going down. Notify Herr Klinton at once." Meanwhile, returning to the airwaves... Welcome to the Voice of the Resistance. Today's message for our cubs across the channel: The long sobs of the stock market bulls wounds my heart with a monotonous languor. I repeat: The long sobs of the stock market bulls wounds my heart with a monotonous languor * * * Where no Investor has gone before... Kirk: The federation is in a bind Mr. S-POS-k. They've shorted several tons of palladium at $300 an oz. Now their major mine source has been shut down by some monster...Energize Mr. SSCott... e-a-e-a-e-a-e-a-u-u-u-u-u-u-a-a Kirk: Tricorder readings Mr. Check-off? Check-off: We are in a palladium rich cavern 120 meters from the arranged meeting place wis the miners Captain. Kirk: S-POS-k, what do you make of these tunnels--they seem to have been excavated with phasers just minutes ago. S-POS-k: Insufficient data to postulate... Miner No. 1: Ah, there you are Kirk. I'm Al Vancouver, foreman of the mines. Look, either you get rid of this thing that's been cutting into our profits or there'll be no delivery of palladium from this mine. Check-off: Spoken like a true Russian. S-POS-K: Mr. Lulu, you will take a security detail and find, possibly corner this creature... Kirk: I gave no such order Mr. S-POS-k. You will shoot to kill, Mr. Lulu. Lulu: Captain, Lulu here--we got a glimpse of the creature. It was covered with a protective layer of hard assets. We drained our Central phaser Bank reserves, but I think the thing has taken a hit . Miner No. 1: Kirk! Our Platinum generator has been breeched and disabled. The forward selling ionizer is missing. Kirk: Kirk to Enterprize, SSCotty, beam down with with your Snap-on tool kit. SSCotty: Aye Captain. e-e-e-e-a-a-a-a-a-a-u-u-u-u-u-a-a-a Miner No. 1: Captain, that hedging device was a key component keeping the POG at a comfortable level and allowing our mines to breathe. We'll have to close down most of our operations without it. Kirk: SSCotty, is there anything you can do? SSCotty: The back-up system is shorted Captain; I've jerry-rigged a Euro by-pass, but it won't last long. Kirk: Come on S-POS-k--we must find that part...we'll split up here where the tunnels fork... S-POS-k: Captain, tricorder readings indicate instability in the roof of the cavern. We may be in danger of falling metals... Kirk: Too late S-POS-k, I got in at $7.50 silver. My tunnel partially caved in but I'm Okay. The creature is right on front of me. It's injured and not moving. S-POS-K: The POG or the creature? Captain, your position is one of great danger--kill it now. Kirk: We might be able to save it S-POS-k. S-POS-k: Captain use your phaser... Kirk: S-POS-k, the Vulcan Mine-Geld--you must attempt it!. S-POS-K: My stocks are your stocks, your stocks are mine...A-A-A-G-G-H-H! The pain. The pain. A-a-a-a-a-a-a-g-g-g-g-g-h-h-h-h! Kirk: S-POS-k! Snap out of it. You Okay? S-POS-k: Yes, Gem. Kirk: Well, a penny for your stocks Mr. S-POS-k. S-POS-k: That is illogical, Captain. Even Zappa is trading at 16 cents a share Canadian. Kirk: I mean, what is it S-POS-k? S-POS-K: It calls itself a "Shorta." It has been shorting gold and other PMs for thousands of years. Our phasers have exposed it and it is unable to cover itself. It won't survive for long, Captain. Kirk: But what is it doing at A Bottom Now for Gold mine? S-POS-k: It's SIlicon based, Captain. Kirk: Kirk to Enterprize... Juanita: Yes Captain. Kirk: Have Dr. McTroy beam down with a geology kit. Juanita: Affirmative Captain. e-a-e-a-e-a-e-a-e-a-u-u-u-u-u-a-a McTroy: My last audit by the IRS was more pleasant than that transporter. What in blazes is going on here--what is that thing? Kirk: It calls itself a "Shorta." It1s injured and needs your help. You're a physician--heal it. McTroy: I'm a doctor, not a speculator. Kirk: Heal it, Bones, and that's an order! McTroy: A market order or a limit order? S-POS-k: Captain--the miners... Miner No. 1: Out of the way Captain. That creature attacked our mine. We're going to kill that thing once and for all. Kirk: The same way you killed its children? These Silicon blurbs you've been deleting--they're its eggs. Miner No. 1: We didn't know--how could we? Kirk: Every several thousand years every Shorta dies but the webmistress. She cares for the eggs until they hatch, then she along with the new generation goes long on the precious metals as a new bull market is born. What do you say you live and work together with the Shorta? S-POS-k: Only one problem, Captain: the Shorta is dying and with her the whole generation of Shorta will cease to exist. McTroy: I'm beginning to think I can cure the common stock market fever. I troweled the wound full of those Susan B. Anthony dollars the government still hasn't found a use for and it's covering it like a bandage until it can heal. Kirk: Good work Bones. Now Mr. Vancouver, could we have that shipment of Palladium? The Federation has some short covering of its own to do... From Pinky's Tailing Box... Dear Pinky's Tailing Box: My broker said I should take Zappa to the prom today. Now why in the world would he say that? --Dancing Bear Dear Dancing Bear: Because Zappa reached sweet .16 today. --Whirlwind Questions about PMs? E-mail the Whirlwind at: whirlwindbuyszappa@mindless.com