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Biotech / Medical : VVUS: VIVUS INC. (NASDAQ) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: E'Lane who wrote (8325)	5/22/1998 3:13:00 AM
From: AlienTech	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 23519

PFE HYPE ALERT! New logo.. Dead men dont wear plad.. The makers of Viagra have announced a plan to use proceeds from the sale of Viagra to finance the development of a pill for women that will make elderly men desirable. Also, the National Organization of Potent Men has announced a plan to protest the distribution of Viagra. A spokesman for the orgranization stated "Viagra gives an impotent man the ability to sustain an erection for up to 4 hours. This causes feelings of inadequacy, a leading cause of impotency, in normally potent men". The organization fears a sudden and dramatic shift in the demographics of it's membership. In other news, Kenneth Starr is reportedly investigating a rumor that the Republican Party had used Bob Dole's supply of Viagra from clinical trials to spike fast food deliveries to the Whitehouse. The Whitehouse has confirmed a report that the entire male staff had participated in a "blind" clinical study in which all but one individual had received a placebo. There was no comment as to the identity of that individual. With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer, the manufacturer, is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.... DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent. PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one. COMPLIMENTRA -In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing. BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit. NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents. NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members. FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra. PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors." LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury, and Presidential Strength versions. CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little" accidents. FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides. Pfizer is experimenting with Viagra for women, too. A male friend suggests there could be additional spin-offs as well, as in: MAPRA, which in select cases allowed women to read maps without turning them upside down if north is behind them. WHYRA, which in theory - pending lots of testing - might someday allow women to have conversations with men without reaching the dangerous "why" stage.