Mr. Hicks,
I hope I'm doing this right. Was I supposed to transcribe every word?
Monica
FISPAC Conference Call 5/28/98
T Hicks> Ok, Dave you're handling the recorder right?......Dave.....Dave....Come on man, I know there's a Mayberry marathon on TV, but we're gonna need you're attention
D Mauldin>Huh?
T Hicks>You're handling the recorder...right? It's not on right now is it?
Mauldin>Nope.....I think
T Hicks>OK, turn it off when I tell you in case we want to say anything off the record. It won't show up in the transcript....... OK
Mauldin>Huh?
T Hicks>Damn......At least turn the TV volume down. Phil how many beers have you had?
Phil C> Bite me.
T Hicks>Damn.....Chris, I wish we'd had time to go over your numbers. I guess we'll have to wing it.
T Hicks>OK, everybody ready? Turn it on Dave.
Mauldin>Huh?
T Hicks>Hello, this is Tommy Hicks, president of FISPAC, welcoming you to our first conference call where we will address the present operation of FISPAC, current activities and our vision of the future. Participating in today's conference call will be Chris G, acting
treasurer, Dave Mauldin, chief technology officer who will be handling the sound system today, Steve Redding, acting TA advisor due to P. Smith missing his bus connection in Norcross, and Phil Calvanelli, immediate past president. We're sorry to announce that Vice President George Wood will not be present today due to a sudden illness.
Accommodations for today's events are somewhat limited due to a snafu in reservations that were handled by Chris. The Econo Lodge apparently was overbooked causing us to move today's activities to a Motel 6. Much to our surprise, they do not have a conference room so we are handling this from one of their "single" rooms. Chris, any chance of upgrading to a Double?
Chris G>Nope, there's some kinda square dance festival in town.
T Hicks>.....Ok.....Are all the callers lined up?
Chris G>We can only take one call at a time.
T Hicks>Dave, stop the recorder for a second.
D Mauldin>Huh?
T Hicks>Chris, how the hell can we call this a conference call if we can only have one call at a time? Do they at least have call waiting?
Chris G> Shyt I don't know.
T Hicks>Damn......Dave turn it back on.
Mauldin>Huh?
T Hicks>OK, moving right along,.......I want to address an issue that to many appears to be a controversy. FISPAC recently participated in a medical survey to test the effectiveness of Viagra. In this test, many current and prospective members of FISPAC were given placeboes of Viagra in the form of Spearmint Chicklets. We realize that some may not be happy with our participation in this venture, but I want to emphasize that we were acting purely for the advancement of medical science. We certainly hope there are no hard feelings concerning this and we're glad to have the matter cleared up.
Another area of concern for some FISPAC members involved an audit of the FISPAC funds. We have moved vigorously to address this issue and Chris has some of the details.
Chris G>We have been working with an accounting firm that Dave recommended, Daryl's Stop n Shop and CPA Emporium, and they have recently completed their audit. Daryl spoke with Dave this morning with the results.....Dave...............DAVE!
D Mauldin>Huh?..............He said it's arrright....
T Hicks>There you have it. I'd like to thank Daryl and his staff for their hard work in vindicating the current administration's handling of the FISPAC affairs and allowing us to move forward with our agenda.
Dave, I believe that you spoke to the hospital concerning Mr. Wood's condition, perhaps you could update us?.........Dave......Chris would you turn off the TV.
D Mauldin>Touch the TV Chris and you'll never have children.
Chris G>I make a motion that Mr. Mauldin be censured
T Hicks>Chris this isn't a meeting, it's a conference call......we'll get a Wood's update during the next commercial. Phil I believe you wanted to address everyone. Perhaps you would do so at this time.
Phil C> Thank you Mr. President. I would just like to tell everyone from the bottom of my heart that you all piss me off and you can all just bite my ass. Thank you very much.
T Hicks>Ummm.....Thanks Phil. Inspiring as ever.....Chris please move the cooler over here for me..........OK it looks like a commercial is on so maybe now we can have a George Wood update.....Dave?
D Mauldin>Th' hospital said he had some kinda intestinal blockage. They cut out what appeared to be a big ol' wad of chewin' gum the size of a grape fruit.
T Hicks>..................OK..........that's very unfortunate ...........and we wish him a speedy recovery. Steve, I understand you've been on the phone with Patrick and have a TA analysis for us.
Steve> Yes I have and I'll read it word for word. "Simple, weighted and exponential moving averages are steady. On balance volume and relative strength index are oscillating while the Bollinger Bands are entangled in the envelope channel. Stochastics and MACD are in the 2nd house of Jupiter and the Williams %R is cavitating, but what do I know. I'm just a chart guy."
T Hicks>Thanks Steve. I know we all feel better hearing that.
Phil>Hey Steve, tell Pat to bite my ass.
Chris G>I'd like it noted the Mr. Calvanelli is unruly..
T Hicks>Phil, please.....
Steve>Pat also said he needed some ticket money.
T Hicks> We'll get back with him about that....... Chris, perhaps now we should go over the numbers and get the results of our recent membership drive and other fund raising activities.
Chris G>During the past two months we've had 11 new members resulting in beer fund cash flow of minus $225.
T Hicks>Dave, kill the recorder for a second.................. Chris, did I hear you correctly......MINUS?
Chris G>Yep, they sent in those $75 coupons.
T Hicks>Wait a minute, which one of you geniuses told me that nobody ever sends in the coupons?.......Phil?
Phil C>Bite my ass.
T Hicks>What about past dues? Have you heard from Neil?
Chris G>He just said to send him a hundred bucks and he'd call it even. We've had four checks that bounced to the Blue Heaven Package store and two to the 7-11.
T Hicks>Who signed the checks.?
Chris G>I did.
T Hicks>Whew!............Okay Dave turn the recorder back on...............
D. Mauldin>Huh?
T Hicks> Well, Chris, it appears we've got to sharpen our pencils a bit. How about the results of the recent week long promotion involving free psychic readings.
Chris G>We've incurred $843 in 800 number expenses and have realized zero revenues from this venture......
T Hicks>Kill the recorder Dave.........zero revenues?.......How can that be?
Chris G>No one has called since we started chargin'.
T Hicks>Cheap bastards..........How are we handling AT&T?
Chris G>Sent'em a check this morning
T Hicks>Well......ummm......nevermind...........any need to mention the Tee Shirt OEM deal?
Chris G> Sent the printer a check this morning for $737 for 200 tee shirts. We haven't sold any yet..
T Hicks> Aw man this sucks........OK Dave turn it on..........Well, Chris, we look forward to the future revenues that I'm sure will start rolling in as soon as our marketing efforts kick in and remember, the tee shirt OEM deal is just around the corner. Although we can't
talk details, it doesn't say Haynes until we say it says Haynes ...hahahahaha..... Ah! we have a caller........yes caller......can we have your question.
Phone>This is the front desk. Will you be needing a wake up call?
T Hicks>Umm...no.....thank you.
Phil C>Hey Chrissy.....gimme a beer....
<sound of moving furniture and breaking glass>
T Hicks>Dave, stop the recorder.
D. Mauldin>Huh?.......it's on the floor.
T Hicks>Chris put down the chair and take your foot off Phil ................Is everyone calm?.............quite everyone ......Dave, start the recorder..........we have another call....go
ahead caller....
Phone>This is the front desk. Is everything OK? We've had a complaint concerning noise.
T Hicks>Everything is fine, just a minor luggage problem......thank you....
Phil>Hey Chrissy, want a warm Falstaff?
<loud crash>
T Hicks>Dave kill the recorder......that wasn't the television was it?
D Mauldin>AHHHHHHHH! THAT WAS THE EPISODE WHERE AUNT BEA
LEARNS HOW TO DRIVE. THAT'S IT........I'M OUTTA HERE!
T Hicks>Steve, put Chris in the bathroom and start the recorder, we've got a call.
Steve>It's already on.
T Hicks>What?...........go ahead caller.....
Phone>This is the front desk again, if we have any further noise complaints we'll have to ask you to leave. Also, there are some policemen in the lobby looking for a Mr. G.
T Hicks>Thank you mam. We've never heard of a Mr. G, but we'll let you know if we see him......bye.........where's Chris?
Steve>Locked in the bathroom.
T Hicks>Tell him he's got a package in the lobby....OK......Well, this will wrap up our first conference call and we hope that everyone is as excited as we are about the FISPAC future. With hard work, a firm plan for the future and a professional management team, we feel that the critical components are in place for FISPAC to move ahead to even
greater heights.......Steve, kill the recorder
Steve>Huh?
T Hicks>Let's get the hell out of here.......
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