Holly,
I'll write this post to you as it's about sex.
Heehee.
ACtually, that was just my attention grabbing headline. It's really, as always, about family. But it IS about sex ed. and condoms and the things that are being discussed at Feelings so heatedly.
Last night, we went to dinner at Amore's-- (an appropriate name for the ensuing story) Amore's is a great place-you can wear anything and you bring in your own wine and the food is cheap and good.
Having read some of Feelings yesterday, I decided to bring up sex education and condoms and get a teenage viewpoint for the argument.
"Did you have sex ed in school?" I ask to get the conversation rolling..
"In fifth grade, Mr. Liga took all the boys alone and had us say the word "penis" over and over until it wasn't funny anymore," said CW. Both boys start giggling. It obviously hadn't worked.
"Well, I was thinking more of middle and high school. You both took health. Did the teachers talk about sex? Condoms? Stuff like that?"
"We learned about sexually transmitted diseases," offers Ammo.
"And they said--what's the word for not doing it?--they said that 's a good thing."
"Abstinence. And do you think so?"
CW hoots. "He's never even been out with a girl! What choice does he have?"
"Shut up!"
"Ouch!"
"Don't kick me!"
I divert. "If you went to the school nurse and asked for a condom, would she give you one?"
Both boys look at me as if I'd grown a third eye. "You're kidding, right?" says CW.
"Well, no, they've been discussing this on-line. Schools and sex ed and condoms being provided."
"That's disgusting," says Ammo. "Why would the school encourage us to have sex? Do they want us to do it?"
"Why wouldn't you just buy one?" CW hastily adds, "Not that I ever would need one."
Pause.
"Hey! Did you hear about the kid who went in to buy one and he was really scared and he snuck it up to the counter and whispered, "How much?" and the guy reaches for the intercom thing and yells, "Price check on condoms!"
Ammo says, "I like that scene in The Devil's Own where they catch the kid shoplifting a condom cuz he was too embarrassed to buy it."
"Yeah-and the one.."
"Excuse me," I interrupt. "Could we get back to sex ed?"
Dan says sympathetically, "Sometimes it just doesn't work, does it?" He's been quiet because he always orders this huge thing called a stromboli and it takes concentration to eat it all.
"I'm not going to do it," says Ammo.
"Why not?" I ask. "Why do you believe you shouldn't?"
"Moral reasons," Ammo nods, sure this is what we want to hear.
"What about health?"
"Sure, that too." He's ever-agreeable.
CW is readying himself. "Don't interrupt me. I already know what you'll say. And I'll get to your answers if you let me talk." This doesn't surprise us, 17 not only has all the answers, they know your questions before you ask.
"I'm not going to do it for three reasons: risk of disease, chance of pregnancy, and morals. Any one of these is convincing to me, so you don't have to ask all those trick questions about, "But if there were no chance of pregnancy would you?" because the remaining ones are compelling enough on their own. They augment each other, but are each 100% convincing." He places his fork on his plate to signify completion and waits for the applause.
"Where did you get these moral beliefs?" asks Dan, taking a break from his stromboli.
Ammo says, "I think we're born with a sense of what's right and wrong, but then how we're raised really determines how we act. Like I think I knew already, but then you added your beliefs and then I fit it all together."
"So what about religion?" I ask.
"Enlightened, progressive societies are much more open about sex," says CW.
"Well do you think that your moral beliefs are the result of having been raised in a Christian home despite your current atheism?" Dan asks.
For some reason, this incenses CW. "I am so sick of you thinking that I can't be moral if I'm not religious."
"Hey-I wasn't attacking you,"says Dan mildly. "I was asking."
"Yeah, well, religious people are always acting like I can't have morals without God. Like they have any? THis world sucks. I don't know why people are so stupid. Everyone should be killed." He starts to get up-I think he was going to make a dramatic teenage exit to his room but forgot we were in a restaurant.
We nod in agreement. You have to do that with teens. Trust me.
"Do you think that schools giving out condoms infringes on parental rights?" I ask.
They could care less. Parents, the schools, none of this matters-we are all unimportant and have no rights. The only important rights are theirs. And now the bombshell-
"What do you think of secondary virginity?" asks Ammo.
"What?"
"You know...secondary virginity. We learned about that in health this year."
I look at Dan-is this some sex thing? Some biological fact that escaped me?
CW rolls his eyes. "You see, Adam? That's more of this stupidity. Think about it."
"WHAT IS IT!" I shout.
Ammo looks at me,"You know--that if you do it and then later decide you make a mistake, you can start over, and it's like you never did it. Secondary virginity."
"You're kidding, right?" I look at CW.
"Nope, They teach this. It's in the Health Book. Mom, they just make up what they want you to believe. It's this New Age crap. It's all stupid."
I am completely stunned. I look at Dan; he's completely stunned.
"This is insane," I say."They teach this as if it makes sense????"
CW laughs. "Mom, you just don't get it. This world is crazy."
I think about it. "You know," I say to Dan,"All this is a secular substitute for being 'born again'. They call this progress??!"
I am still reeling for a couple of reasons: one that such complete and total drivel is being taught to our children and two that I had no idea. What else are they learning under the auspices of enlightened thought and New Age philosophy?
"I love when we talk like this," says Ammo.
SO do I. I'm only worried that we haven't done it enough. |
