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Pastimes : Double Zero -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Hoatzin who wrote (2905)	5/29/1998 3:53:00 PM
From: CatLady	Respond to of 4295

I haven't laughed so hard since SJB came to visit.

To: Hoatzin who wrote (2905)	5/29/1998 3:59:00 PM
From: DScottD	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 4295

Dammit Kevin. You forgot the safe harbor language again. This press release contains certain forward-looking statements that may or may not be true depending on whether you are a forward looker. These statements are subject to certain risks and uncertainties that are described in other statements the company has published but we don't have the time to gather them so you'll have to find them yourself. Someday we'll be a reporting company and then you can find them on EDGAR. Don't hold your breath, though. For further information, contact our investor relations department at 1-800-IMA-DUPE. Don't expect an answer right away because Janice lives in Italy and by the time the market opens in the US she's on her third or fourth wine break of the day.

To: Hoatzin who wrote (2905)	5/29/1998 4:44:00 PM
From: Larry Voyles	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 4295

I got this by hacking into Druss' computers. I think it was supposed to be released Monday. Druss' Boiler Room Discount Brokerage Initiates Coverage of Double Zero with a Strong Buy, Y2K Tragedies Continue... ATLANTA, June 1 /SINewswire/ -- Druss' Boiler Room Discount Brokerage has initiated coverage of Double Zero (Nasdack-UTC:BB: 00) with an AMAZINGLY STRONG BUY recommendation, placing a short-term target of $50.00 to $60.00 per share and a 12 month target of $120.00 per share. A changing Y2K environment and the CEO's expanding credit card debt make shares of Double Zero timely and very attractive for ultra-aggressive investors. Y2K tragedies continue...recently America has witnessed several Y2K tragedies, such as the IRS' admission that it will no longer be able to collect taxes after December 31, 1999. Said IRS Commission Marge Schmidtt, "We give up. Our programmer can't figure out how to make Quicken display four-digit years, so we can't balance our checkbooks. It's hopeless." Events like these have spurred a rash of Y2K-control and tax-safety bills in Congress, as well as state and city governments. On May 18, Washington, DC finalized Initiative 69, requiring all income to be turned over to the government and all marriages to be consummated before the year 2000. In past years, Y2K control legislation has met strong opposition from religious fundamentalists. Sam Slickhair of the Brethren For The World's Money stated "The world will cease to exist after December 31, 1999 and we will all be called home. Why should people do anything? Friends, a small donation of $25 or $50 can help to keep the world going until the Year 2000. You won't need any of that filthy money in the new millennium, so call 1-800-GIVE-MORE with credit card in hand to make your donation to the Brethren." Internet stocks such as Yahoo (Nasdaq: YHOO), Infoseek (Nasdaq: SEEK), and Lycos (Nasdaq: LCOS) with large Internet exposure, have surged in recent months. Shares of smaller companies marketing on the Internet, like K-tel (Nasdaq: KTEL) and Market Guide (Nasdaq: MARG) exploded overnight based on future Internet business. The Internet is a powerful tool. The Internet represents an unlimited upside potential for Double Zero in sales and exposure. According to statistics, there are over 222 million fools in the U.S. of which over 76 million have credit cards and browse the internet regularly. With a worldwide idiot count at over a billion, Double Zero (www.double-naught.com) will use the web to take credit card numbers from idiots all over the world. Easy access and all the convenience of the Internet will enable Double Zero to "penetrate" additional markets. With their announcement last week of better than expected earnings ($.00 vs $.00) and next quarter prospects looking more favorable, it seems that this is a company whose time and product has come. Double Zero may have as much monopolistic potential as Microsoft (Nasdaq: MSFT) did when it first started out. "Build a monopoly, and the idiots will send you their money," stated Sir Druss of Druss' Discount Brokerage. Adding, "The lack of companies collecting credit card numbers may well give Double Zero a decisive edge when the Y10K problem emerges. They are the only company that has even thought about the problem of 5-digit years." References: Nancy Friday's "My Secret Garden", Chris Allen's "1001 Sex Secrets Every Man Should Know", "There's a Customer Born Every Minute: P.T. Barnum's Secrets to Business Success" by Joe Vitale. SOURCE: Druss' Boiler Room Discount Brokerage