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Technology Stocks : FBN Associates - Year 2000/Y2K IPO!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Hoatzin who wrote (991)	5/31/1998 10:24:00 AM
From: Don Pueblo	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2770

I'm choking, I can't breathe. Tears are coming down my face. Now I have to come up with a follow up.

To: Hoatzin who wrote (991)	5/31/1998 12:16:00 PM
From: melinda abplanalp	Respond to of 2770

Kevin,,,A post worth bookmarking for the future, a post worth printing even. Now that was a post!!!!!! Melinda

To: Hoatzin who wrote (991)	5/31/1998 12:52:00 PM
From: Sultan	Respond to of 2770

You should consider a career change, mate. Very funny.

To: Hoatzin who wrote (991)	5/31/1998 1:42:00 PM
From: Don Pueblo	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2770

CARPCO CALLS CAUSE CBOE CARNAGE Sunday, May 31: Business Wire ~ The June 90 Call Options of teeny tiny BB stock CARPCO caused a shutdown in the Chicago Board of Exchange June 90 Call Options Pit at 11:47 a.m. PST this morning. Never before in history has the CBOE been stopped by trading in options, but this particular issue was simply too hot to handle. The Open Interest has soared to over 60 trillion contracts in recent days, all in anticipation of the (rumored) rumored merger announcement which came to light in a Private Message of an e-mail on the CARPCO NEWS THREAD earlier today. "I read that thread over coffee every morning," quipped Warner Buffering, "and all my buddies do too. Screw the IBD and the WSJ, I like my rumors straight from the horseshoe or whatever you say." Earlier this morning, the stock market world was stunned by the announcement that CARPCO had rejected FBN's hostile buyout offer and instead published a rumor that a press release was due out sometime in the next month or two about a new CARPCO acquisition. A source close to this reporter leaked the story and it flowed through several pits (see related story earlier today) including the Atlanta Peach Pit, the Bristol Grease Pit, the Spanish Olive Pit, the German Gut Pit, and the aforementioned CBOE June 90 Call Options Pit. "When I heard that CARPCO had bid to buy Microsoftie for stock and stock options, that's when I knew this company was for real." said an unidentified bystander who declined to allow his name to be used for tax purposes. The deal was a brilliant coup for the small holding company, but came as no surprise to supporters. According to unnamed sources close to the deal, CARPCO began its takeover plan by hiring a group of rogue Internet chat line aficionados, including a mysterious personage in Milan and someone claiming to be a giant chicken from another planet, to bash its own stock. Once the price had been driven down to under .30 a share, company executives, led by a dazzling legal team, moved in for the kill. The company originally chartered 500 trillion shares to be available at an unspecified time in the future. The P/E ratio of the stock was zero, and Microsoftie (trading at a huge premium compared to CARPCO) was a "sitting duck" according to analysts close to the market. Details of the deal remained sketchy at press time, but market gurus from around the world were in awe. Bill Gateway, head honcho of Microsoftie, spoke briefly with reporters and outlined his plan to trade his 310 trillion shares of CARPCO for "a very large religious organization and a personal groomer." "It's a win-win deal, especially considering the tone of the market with the Asian situation, the dollar situation, the bond situation, the yen situation, the oil drillers and specialty retailers situation, and the SEC and Justice Department situation. All the heat is off Microsoftie, and with the correction already in progress, I see no reason why the Dow can't move into a proper trading range at the appropriate point in time," quipped one market maven, "As a matter of fact, I own a few shares myself." Shareholders of Micrsoftie were ecstatic when they realized that their P/E had been reduced to zero while they had taken control of over 10,000 times more stock. "I just hit the Powerball for a grand slam homer!" cried one happy shareholder. Indeed!