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Non-Tech : Philip Morris - A Stock For Wealth Or Poverty (MO) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Benchman who wrote (1727)	6/5/1998 4:08:00 PM
From: Brian Malloy	Respond to of 6439

I must hand it to the Washington Post they are doing good balanced coverage of this tobacco thing. Take a look at this piece which points out the total absurdity of the fiasco or perhaps it points to the next target of the zealots. After all, as of yesterday, 30Million additional Americans were classified as Overweight and at increased risk for stroke, heart-attack, diabetes and so forth. Hottest Tip On Four Wheels By William Raspberry Friday, June 5, 1998; Page A31 "I don't want to get into insider trading or anything like that," the cabby said. "But might I ask if you hold any stock in McDonald's or Swift?" It was all I could do to suppress a smirk. Here's a guy pushing a hack and deigning to give me, a journalist, tips on the stock market. That's what I thought. What I said, suddenly aware of the possibility that the cabby just might have overheard some passengers from the Antitrust Division or Wall Street, was: "So you think McDonald's or Swift might be a buy. Perhaps I'd better call my broker." "You might as well call me," the cabby grinned. "I'm broker than anybody you're likely to see today. But serious business, I think you missed my point. I wasn't telling you to buy. I was going to tell you that if you already own these stocks, you might want to sell." "From what unimpeachable source does this hot tip derive?" I asked. "It drives from right here," the cabby said. "I've decided to sue these people, and I've been thinking of making it what you call a class-action suit so maybe I can pick up a stray million or two. I expect the companies will take a pretty major hit by the time we're done, so if you're holding -- " "Let me get this straight," I said. "You're going to sue these big boys? Don't tell me you found a human finger or something in your hamburger. Their lawyers handle stuff like that all the time. They won't pay you a dime. You'll be lucky if you don't wind up in jail trying something like that." "I'm suing for this," the cabby said, patting his rather ample belly. "And furthermore and to wit, I've just had my physical, and my cholesterol is up, not to mention my weight and my blood pressure. And here's the thing. Think how many other people are having these same problems from eating fast food like hamburgers and such. That's why I'm thinking class action. I'll just throw in a meatpacking company and maybe a major French-fry grower as a backup. You know any good lawyers?" I was flabbergasted. "You are ruining your own health by eating fast-food hamburgers and fries and you are going to sue them? Of all the nerve!" "It's the American way," the cabby said. "Didn't you see where some anti-gun people are talking about suing gun makers because people are shooting each other? Isn't every state in the Union suing the tobacco companies because tobacco is making people sick? And they're hauling in serious bucks -- and balancing their budgets, too." I explained that the rationale behind the gun and tobacco litigation is that the producers have knowingly sold what they know to be potentially life-threatening products and, in the case of tobacco, may actually have conspired to make their product more addictive. "Some people believe that children and poor people are being directly targeted by the makers of cigarettes and cheap guns," I told him. "And I suppose burgers and fries are being marketed to Steve Forbes, Bill Gates and the du Ponts," the cabby said. "You think they're not trying to make Big Macs and Quarter-Pounders as addictive as they can? You think I enjoy looking like this? They've hooked me is what they've done, and I'm suing them for all they're worth." "What we have here," I scolded him, "is a serious case of a person refusing to accept responsibility for his choices and the consequences of his actions. That, unfortunately, is par for the course in America. I remember some guy got hurt when he tried to commit suicide by throwing himself in front of a subway train; he sued the transit authority. A burglar tried to break into a building, and when he fell through a skylight and hurt himself, he sued. Pretty soon somebody's going to sue the newspaper because the news got their blood pressure up." "Great idea," the cabby said. "You want in on my suit?" "Au contraire," I said. "I want out of your cab. Your childish insistence on making someone else responsible for your own stupidity is more than I can take." I cut him one last nasty look as I exited, which may be why I didn't see the curbstone some idiot of a contractor had put right where anybody getting out of a cab could trip right over it. Which I did. "Dangerous incompetent fool," I said. "I'll sue him for every cent he ever hopes to make." c Copyright 1998 The Washington Post Company washingtonpost.com