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Pastimes : Thread Morons -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Janice Shell who wrote (1360)	6/9/1998 12:15:00 AM
From: Father Terrence	Respond to of 12810

Entry #432-L in the race for nominations on the Moron Thread. From the FEELINGS thread: Dear Threadmistress Christine: Yes I own over 1,000 pairs of shoes -- and I am damn glad of it! Unfortunately only one pair match (and since they are purple suede I usually wear no shoes -- they don't complement my orange slacks and fuchsia shirts very well). The other points you raised shall be answered in my usually brilliant fashion: "Do you think that someone with a thousand pairs of differently-sized shoes has extras for when his head swells? I thought it was more likely he wore a lamp shade there, but now I am beginning to wonder." Do not wonder, Christine. The Mighty Father indeed does wear a lampshade. Although I have over 10,000 hats, none are large enough to shield the dazzling brilliance I exude, therefore I wear it as an act of mercy to keep the Lesser Ones from going blind. "Could it be that he is really an octopus?" More like a Barracuda. "No wonder he can type so many posts, with eight tentacles, huh? But I'm wondering, do octopi have big, soft hearts and sensitive feelings?" Perhaps slithering octopi do, but the Mighty Father Terrence is actually cloned -- that's why he sometimes seems ubiquitous. "There is no recent indication of this level of consciousness in Terrence at all. I am very disappointed, since I saw wonderful glimmers in the past.' That was the kind-hearted, dysfunctional Father Terrence, Model #831. He was mercifully put to sleep in an acid bath to the strains of David Bowie's "I'm Afraid of Americans". "Do you think his black helicopter is really a spaceship, and that he has all those shoes because he wanted to enlighten all the poor Heaven's Gate victims, who were stuck with black Nikes? Maybe he is on a mission of mercy, after all!!!" Now you've done it, Threadmistress! You've revealed my secret mission. Now the Secretary will deny all knowledge of me and I shall have to let those poor Heaven's Gate fools stay locked in the deep freeze of the flying saucer attached to the back of the Hale-Bopp comet until a race of giant ant aliens from Wolf 359 explores this system. That may not be for quite a long time. Perhaps I better order out for a pizza. . . Father Terrence