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Pastimes : Ask God -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ann Corrigan who wrote (17287)	6/9/1998 2:32:00 PM
From: Sam Ferguson	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 39621

Yup! Old Sam a victim of that brainwashing. Did lots of damage til I made it to the teens. Then slowed but not entirely. I went the opposite way with a constant sense of guilt by teaching but enjoyment by choosing. One crazy mixed up kid. About age 28 I finally thought I always seemed to know what was best for me and listening to others was fatal. I listened to no one but myself. I made more mistakes than anyone could believe but it was a priceless experience. I got educated fast in choosing. I learned the meaning of trust. I just assumed because I was trustworthy all others were. Then I went into tailspin and trusted no one. Finally I learned to neither trust or distrust til proven to my satisfaction. I never bothered with spiritual thinking during that time. The vent that that started my search was a mystical revelation revealing my true self. Others scoff at such and because it has been falsely claimed by so many, I could never expect anyone to believe me. I kept it to myself and then started my search to prove it was a sort of dream while awake, and not humanly possible. I went thru denial worse than a drunk. The reason it was so difficult was the fact that it wiped away much of my conceptual reasoning with a whole new concept. The new concept, I knew deep down inside, was correct. The scars of brainwashing kept nagging at me to question and I had more than a 2 year old with who, what, and whys. The harder I tried to prove it wrong, the more I found out the truth of it. The only way to rid myself of the scars was to see why so much truth was in the bible and yet there were just as many untruths. I haven't quit searching and discover more all the time. I frankly want to loved as much as the next man. But my concern is not what others think of me. As long as I love me and respect me it matters not what others think. I am responsible for me. I create my future daily so am trying to improve some of my past creations .