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Pastimes : FLAME THREAD - Post all obnoxious/derogatory comments here -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Mr.Manners who wrote (4570)	6/20/1998 12:37:00 PM
From: Druss	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 12754

Vacationing in Arkansas--Day Six [This is all true] Lee and I are catching fish in the White River but none of the legendary big ones. So we decide to try night fishing for them as that is when the big ones are most vulnerable. The only drawback is the boats are not allowed out due to the river shoals. So we will have to wade. By this time previous wading in the river has left us with the feeling of we will never be able to sire children now anyway so why not. So we scout out a good area to enter the water. I am somewhat taken aback when I see a snake swimming in the area since Lee has assured me the water is too cold for them, he then tells me it is alright because the snake isn't a water moccasin. I am wise to this ploy at any rate, I spent enough time in the South to know that any creature under the size of a razorback hog packs a load of venom in addition to its craving for human flesh. Still we resolve to go. Due to water conditions we have to get up at 4:00 am to do this. When my alarm goes off I get up turn on the light and start getting ready. Lee is a bit slow but then I hear him start stirring. When I look I find he has indeed stirred, he pulled his pillow over his eyes so my light wouldn't be in them. So I head to the river alone, as I turn out the light I hear a rustling as Lee turns over in bed and then a loud, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." The river is cold as any part of a witch or well diggers anatomy you care to name. The fish are also not biting though every insect in Arkansas is willing to. Still one feels a oneness with nature not possible under any other circumstance. I could feel a oneness with the biting hordes of insects as they sought to make me part of them, a oneness with the river as I wondered whether it had frozen off the lower half of my body (certain specific areas in particular), and a certain oneness with the poisonous snakes I knew were out in the darkness preparing for their assault on me--I hoped the venom would be warm when they injected it. After 45 minutes I decide not to wait on the snakes any longer and head back to the cabin where Lee greets me with a cheerful, "Well was that worth a damn?" Unfortunately I was too traumatized by the cold to give him a coherent answer like, "Sure was, I took two 5 lb rainbows." Something that would get him out of bed and into the water. Instead I dive into my bed and warm myself with the thoughts of what I would do to him if only I didn't have to get out of bed to do it.