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Technology Stocks : Amazon.com, Inc. (AMZN) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: UFGator93 who wrote (7394)	6/24/1998 2:13:00 PM
From: zebraspot	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 164684

Exciting New Amazon Offering (Re-posted from the Yahoo board) >>> Seattle (Rueters) -- Amazon.com stunned the online community this morning with it's announcement that it would sell genuine, Uncle Sam greenbacks online beginning immediately. George T. Aposporos, vice president of operations, met with the press this morning holding a laptop in hand. "This new offering should allow us to crush the competition." Live, in front of many drooling journalists, he proceeded to make a few mouse clicks and wrapped up an order for $1000 in new Franklin 100s for just $700 plus $5.95 in shipping and handling. "I could have gone Fed-X, but that would have been $12 and would have cut into my profits a bit." When asked how Amazon.com could afford this kind of offering, he explained, "It's not about profits, it's about the realization of the American dream. In conventional stores, you could never get this kind of deal, but online, it's a wonderful new paradigm where everybody can be happy, everybody can be rich. Plus," he continued, "this will enable millions more to afford our discounted books, which we also lose money on." Chief Financial Officer Joy D. Covey then showed journalists the proof of how this marketing concept can benefit Amazon.com stockholders. "GreaterFools, that's our marketspeak for our shareholders, can now purchase additional shares of Amazon.com using the money they've ordered, and in fact, we strongly encourage this by waiving shipping costs if the customer funnels the money directly into Amazon.com shares." "We feel this opens up exciting new possibilities to keep our stock appreciating at a minimum of 100% per month for the remainder of this century." Mr. Covey added that there each customer can order a maximum of $10,000 per day, but that in exchange for the company's loss of $3000 per transaction, they'd be compiling statistics for each customer and selling them to Yahoo! for up to 25 cents per month. "Hopefully," Mr. Covey concluded, "customers won't check the box 'Do not share personal information' when they order the cash, or else our entire concept might cause the collapse of the free world, and indeed the entire universe." That truly remote possiblility seemed the furthest thing from the minds of the newly retired journalists in attendance, however, as they all got inline to order some cold, hard cash. << Written by: bynutcase104 at the Yahoo/AMZN thread