Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (413)	6/25/1998 5:51:00 PM
From: Jody Ritchie	Respond to of 2733

SAN FRANCISCO Congratulations on your purchase of Windows 98 (C), the latest version of the world's #1 computer operating system from Microsoft. Before using your new software, please take the time to read these instructions carefully. Failure to do so may further limit the terms of the limited warranty. Windows 98 (C) represents a significant technological improvement over Microsoft's previous operating system, Windows 95 (C). You'll notice immediately that "98" is a larger number than "95," a better than 3 percent increase. But that's not all. Windows 98 (C) contains many features not found in Windows 95 (C), or in any competing computer operating system, if there were any. Among the improvements: faster storing and retrieving of files (not in all models), enhanced "Caps Lock" and back-space functionality, smoother handling, less knocking and pinging, an easy-to-follow 720-page User's Guide, and rugged weather-resistant shrink wrap around the box. Most important, Windows 98 (C) offers superior compatibility with all existing Microsoft products. We're betting that you'll never use another company's software again. Windows 98 (C) comes factory-loaded with the latest version of Microsoft Explorer, the world's most popular Internet browser. And despite what you may have heard from the U.S. Department of Justice, Windows 98 (C) offers you the freedom to select the Internet browser of your choice, whether it's the one produced by the world's largest and most trusted software producer, or by a smaller company that will either go out of business or become part of the Microsoft family. Configuring Windows 98 (C) to use a browser other than Microsoft Explorer is easy. Simply open the "Options" folder, click on the "time bomb" icon, and select "Load Inferior Browser." A dialog box will ask "Are you sure?" Click "yes." This question may be asked several more times in different ways; just keep clicking "yes." Eventually, the time-bomb icon will enlarge to fill the entire screen, signifying that the browser is being loaded. You'll know the browser is fully loaded when the fuse on the time bomb "runs out" and the screen "explodes." If at any time after installation you become disappointed with the slow speed and frequent data loss associated with other browsers, simply tap the space bar on your keyboard. Microsoft Explorer will automatically be re-installed--permanently. Windows 98 (C) also corrects, for the first time anywhere, the "Year 2000" computer problem. As you may know, most computers store the current year as a two-digit number and, as a result, many will mistake the year 2000 for 1900. Windows 98 (C) solves the problem by storing the year as a four-digit number and, in theory, you won't have to upgrade this part of the operating system until the year 10000. However, the extra memory required to record the year in four digits has prompted a few minor changes in the software's internal calendar. Henceforth, Saturday and Sunday will be stored as single day, known as "Satsun," and the month of June will be replaced by two 15-day months called "Bill" and "Melissa." Please also take the time to complete the online registration form. It only takes a few minutes and will help us identify the key software problems our customers want addressed. Be assured that none of the information you provide, whether it's your Social Security number, bank records, fingerprints, retina scan or sexual history, will be shared with any outside company not already designated as a Microsoft DataShare partner. We've done our best to make using Windows 98 (C) as trouble-free as possible. We want to hear from you if you're having any problems at all with your software. Simply call our toll-free Helpline and follow the recorded instructions carefully. (The Helpline is open every day but Satsun, and is closed for the entire month of Bill.) If we don't hear from you, we'll assume your software is working perfectly, and an electronic message to that effect will be forwarded to the Justice Department. We'll also send, in your name, a letter to the editor of your hometown newspaper, reminding him or her that American consumers want software designed by companies that are free to innovate, not by government bureaucrats. Again, thanks for choosing Windows 98 (C).

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (413)	6/25/1998 5:54:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Respond to of 2733

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the bus at the next stop. When the bus starts on it's way the bus driver says to the hippie "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you". The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed in a robe and put on glow in the dark paint and a mask she would think were God and you could command her to have sex with you. The hippie decides this is a great idea , so that Tuesday he went to the cemetery and waited for the nun to show up. At midnight just as the bus driver had said the nun showed up to pray. While she was in the middle of praying the hippie dressed in the manner that the bus driver had recommended, jumped out from hiding and said, "I AM GOD" I have heard your prayers and I will answer them. BUT ... first you must have sex with me". The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The disguised hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun. After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts "Ha Ha Ha. I'm the hippie you met on the bus and asked for sex". Then the nun jumps up, rips off her habit and shouts "Ha Ha Ha I'm the bus driver!!"