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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Stockbull who wrote (23245)	7/5/1998 3:47:00 PM
From: Grainne	Respond to of 108807

Dave, I think whether parents should stay together who do not get along very well depends on a lot of factors. First, I think anytime that there is physical, verbal, or sexual abuse going on, that is really damaging to children, more so than divorce, so in that case I would say a divorce is almost always better, unless the person who is abusive is able to get counseling and can change his or her behavior. And I am a firm believer in at least trying marriage counseling first whenever a relationship is troubled, to make sure the differences are really irreconcilable. I think that if there are very, very young children, under about two years of age, and the separation is civil, and both parents take an active role in bringing up the child, maybe sometimes it is better to divorce, because children this young seem to be less damaged by divorce. As they grow up, they really don't remember when their parents were together, at least from the discussions I have had with children who fall into this category. And in these cases, a couple with significant disagreements living together for at least sixteen more years would seem like eternity. I think older children are much more damaged. With older children, if the parents can be at least friendly with each other, and handle their disagreements in private, and the family unit is otherwise stable, I think the needs of the children should probably usually outweigh those of the parents. I think a lot of parents come to this realization on their own, and that is why there are so many divorces after children leave home. My parents divorced when I was in college, and it was still very disturbing. But I was an adult, and had a life of my own, and could fall back on friends for stability and reassurance. They had also been seriously estranged since I was thirteen and my father fell in love with his secretary. At least they are still married!! What do you think, Dave?