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To: wizzards wine who wrote (4758)	7/14/1998 11:09:00 PM
From: Giordano Bruno	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 34811

Evening Preston, are we now all systems go on the BP board?

To: wizzards wine who wrote (4758)	7/15/1998 1:47:00 AM
From: mph	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 34811

Here's some more humor for you night owls out there: > > WASHINGTON, DC-On Tuesday, Congress approved the Americans With No Abilities > Act, sweeping new legislation that provides benefits and protection for more > than 135 million talentless Americans. The act, signed into law by President > Clinton shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory for the > millions upon millions of U.S.citizens who lack any real skills or uses. > > "Roughly 50 percent of Americans-through no fault of their own-do not possess > the talent necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in > society," said Clinton, a longtime ANA supporter. "Their lives are futile > hamster-wheel existences of unrewarding, dead-end busywork: Xeroxing documents > written by others, fulfilling mail-in rebates for Black & Decker toaster > ovens, and processing bureaucratic forms that nobody will ever see. Sadly, for > these millions of nonabled Americans, the American dream of working hard and > moving up through the ranks is simply not a reality." > > Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million important- > sounding "middle man" positions will be created in the white-collar sector for > nonabled persons, providing them with an illusory sense of purpose and > ability. Mandatory, non-performance-based raises and promotions will also be > offered to create a sense of upward mobility for even the most unremarkable, > utterly replaceable employees. The legislation also provides corporations > with incentives to hire nonabled workers, including tax breaks for those who > hire one non-germane worker for every two talented hirees. > > Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act also contains tough new measures > to prevent discrimination against the nonabled by banning prospective > employers from asking such job-interview questions as, "What can you bring to > this organization?" and "Do you have any special skills that would make you an > asset to this company?" "As a nonabled person, I frequently find myself unable > to keep up with co-workers who have something going for them," said Mary Lou > Gertz, who lost her position as an unessential filing clerk at a Minneapolis > tile wholesaler last month because of her lack of notable skills. "This new > law should really help people like me." > > With the passage of the Americans With No Abilities Act, Gertz and millions of > other untalented, inessential citizens can finally see a light at the end of > the tunnel. Said Clinton: "It is our duty, both as lawmakers and as human > beings, to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her > lack of value to society, some sort of space to take up in this great nation." mph (LOL)