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Pastimes : BARDonics (comical interpretation and perspective) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ga Bard who wrote (556)	7/26/1998 10:57:00 PM
From: Binder	Respond to of 733

Subject: Windows 98 recall It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside GA. If you have one of the GA editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The GA edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of General Robert E.Lee, superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dial up Networking is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive,and floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs. Other features: Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape. OK = ats aww-right cancel = hail no reset = awa shoot yes = shore no = Naaaa find = hunt-fer it go to = over yonder back = back yonder help = hep me out here stop = ternit off start = crank it up settings = sittins programs = stuff at does stuff documents = stuff I done done Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98 tiperiter...........A word processor colering book.......a graphics program addin mershene......calculator outhouse paper......notepad jupe-box............CD Player iner-net............Microsoft Explorer pichers.............A graphics viewer IRS.................M/S accounting software IRS2................M/S accounting software with hidden files coon dog............American kennel club records fishin..............Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records. NRA.................National Rifle Association shot gun............Remington Arms price list riffel..............Winchester price list pisstel.............Smith & Wesson price list truck...............Ford & Chevrolet dealers in SC by zip code house...............Nearest Mobile home repair service by zip code car.................same as truck just need two list in South Caroline cuzzins.............family history usually a 3 meg file tax records.........usually an empty file shells..............ammunition inventory another 3 meg file bud.................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code rasin.........NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race car n truck Parts...nearest Junk yard by zip code doc.................veterinarians by zip code We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the GA edition.You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

To: Ga Bard who wrote (556)	7/28/1998 12:28:00 AM
From: Binder	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 733

YO MAMA IS SO FAT... When she dances she makes the band skip. When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live. She puts mayonnaise on aspirin Her rear end has its own congressman. Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard. When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts. Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph. Her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side." The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs. Yo mama's so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks. Yo mama's so fat, all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama" Yo mama's so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton. Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down. Yo mama's so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth. Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her. Yo mama's so fat, when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall. Yo mama's so fat, she could sell shade. Yo mama's so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her. Yo mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise. Yo mama's so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost. Yo mama's so fat, she gets runs in her jeans. Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu. Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. Yo mama's so fat, if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it! Yo mama's so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang. Yo mama's so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party. Yo mama's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion. Yo mama's so fat, her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.