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Technology Stocks : Amazon.com, Inc. (AMZN) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: zax who wrote (11941)	7/28/1998 2:56:00 PM
From: UFGator93	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 164684

What, no change in earnings estimates? Surely stock prices don't move without a change in fundamentals, right? <g>

To: zax who wrote (11941)	7/28/1998 6:00:00 PM
From: zax	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 164684

Zaxbowow, senior canine analyst at IBA securities, which opened coverage of AMZN on 7/7/98 at 142 3/4 with its SELL THE FARM AND SHORT THIS TANKER rating, was asked today how he possibly could have known that AMZN would drop 5 to 10 points in the last hour of trading today (as issued in th the second ever DOGWIRE press release). Zaxbowow indicated nonverbally that he does not comment on his analysis methodology in the usual manner, by licking his nuts. >1:54 PM MST (Dogwire) Zaxbowow, of IBA securities, says he anticipates a 5 to 10 point drop in AMZN share price, in the last hour of trading today.

To: zax who wrote (11941)	7/29/1998 12:39:00 AM
From: Rob S.	Respond to of 164684

>9:07 PST (Dogwire Seattle Satelite Addition) Company spokespersons for the soon to be infamous Amazongonenuts.com (name change takes effect on August 1st, 1998), stated that "We realize that profits will be hard to come by in the e-tail business so management has taken the following bold and imaginative steps to stabilize earnings and make them more reliable and predictable: 1] The company has secured an additional $150 million in a second round of senior debt financing at 20% interest, compounding daily. 2] We have commission a network of 50,000 "PowerBall Associates" to purchase $80 worth of PowerBall tickets. Total costs of the purchase is expected to be $147 million with 15% commission being paid to the associates for making the purchases and the remainder of the amount going to lawyers, accountants and our investment bankers. 3] We statistically must win at least one winning combination as all possible combinations have been chosen! This assures our 100% success. 4] If Amazon.com becomes the only winner of the $250 PowerBall lottery, income after interest expense, taxes and other expenses, and discounting to net present value is expected to be a whopping $39 million or over 23% gross margin, exclusive of G & A and marketing expenses. 5] If, however, Amazon.com must share the prize with one other winner, which we would contest in court on the grounds that "darlings shouldn't have to share", the "winnings" will amount to a net loss of about $126 million after the usual monkey business of operations expenses. Of course, Amazon.com does not consider losses to be a problem because we are establishing brand recognition as a national lottery contest winner, a task which we dream will have lasting value in the new electronic lottery age. 6] If there are three or more winners, well that's stupid because it is not in our business plan and no reasonable person would consider it a possibility anyway. Amazon.com, turning investor's money into sure winnings!