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Pastimes : Singles Chat: About anything and everything!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Denice who wrote (48)	8/20/1998 11:55:00 AM
From: R.E.B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 633

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want" Denice, not her real name, often frequented the singles scene - the bars, clubs, restaurants and trendy meeting places. She worked for an investment banking firm and avoided invitations from co-workers whose idea of a good time was two frozen margaritas and potato chips during happy hour. Denice was looking for more. "I'll never settle" she was heard to say over and over again. Denice never had trouble getting dates. She was average looking, average build, average weight, brown shoulder length hair and a dead ringer for Elaine from the T.V. show Sienfield - but there was something about Denice . Tom, her office mate, had been turned down for a date with Denice so many times that was nicknamed "Tom-Tom" becase he kept beating the same drum. Tom never got the hint! Denice lived near her office in a Townhome in an upper middle class neighborhood of Houston. She felt secure in the gated community but did not like looking over the busy sidewalk just outside her bedroom. "I'm tired of watching pedestrians die from the heat right under my bedroom, it destroys my view", Denice complained. Her neighbor, Nougie, suggested that she throw her emplty wine bottles out her window onto the sidewalk to deter the would-be "nap-takers" from destroying her view. "I'll seriously consider it, thanks Nougie, you're a special friend". Denice drank at least one bottle of wine per day. Nougie was a stock broker, alway had been and always would be. Nougie would rather be a beach bum on St. Thomas and figured he had everything he needed to accomplish his goal except money. Money was always a problem for Nougie - but there was something about Nougie. Nougie had no children from any of his 6 marriages. "Children and wives are just too expensive for the average guy", he was often heard saying. "But I'd really like to make a connection with my neighbor", he told his best friend Kirk. "What neighbor is that", Kirk responded. "That investment banker chick, Denice". "Do I know her, what's she like?", Kirk said. "You want to know her but you never will my friend, she's mine, and she's gonna make me a ton of money". "Just maybe I'll clue you in at the right time". Spurs Sports Bar always seems to have the stiffest drinks and the best food. As luck would have it, Denice was alone drinking Tequila shots, eating fat-free pretzels one muggy evening at Spurs when Nougie and Kirk walked in. "Hey Captain Jerk" one of the bartenders yelled. "Hey Captain Jerk-off" another bartender retorted. Kirk waived at everyone using only one finger and planted his large posterier on a bar stool closest to the ladies rest room. Nougie joined his friend, "no wonder I never meet any chicks here, it's because of you Kirk". "Hey Kirk, there's my neighbor Denice". "Where, where?", said Kirk. "Over there next to the Window. See the chick in the green blouse". "Yea, I'm on her" said Kirk, "man her boobs sure are small". "Never mind her boobs you boob head, its what's between her ears that I'm interested in". "Oh, so your interested in her mouth?", Kirk responded. "No", said Nougie, but you will find out soon enough. "HEY DENICE, COME JOIN US OVER HERE", Kirk yells across the bar and turns every head his way. "Man, you have no class Kirk", said Nougie. "Shut your trap Captain Jerk" yelled a bartender. "Hey Captain Jerk-Wad, why don't you beam yourself outside so we don't have to listen to you" said another bartender. End of Part I

To: Denice who wrote (48)	8/20/1998 12:22:00 PM
From: R.E.B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 633

Part II "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want" "Hi Nougie, long time no see", Denice says as she gives her neighbor a hug. "Meet my friend Kirk", Nougie says as he points to Kirk. "Hi Kirk". "UHHH UHHH UHHH, uhhh, uhhh, uhhh, hey baby, what's your sign?" says Kirk. "My God, Kirk's doing his Butt-Head imitations again" a passing waitress was heard saying to a customer. Kirk proceeded to give Denice a hug as well. "Well don't squeeze me to death Kirk", choked Denice. "He does that Denice so he can see if your boobs are real or implants", says Nougie. "THEY'RE REAL", snapped Denice. "Yea, I know", Kirk said smugly while smiling.. "Say Denice, how about we treat you to a drink, anything you want" , volunteered Kirk. "I'd kinda like to make it up with you for crushing your boobs, ha ha". "I'll take a seven and seven, thank you Captain Jerk, ha ha". "I see you have yourself quite a reputation around here Kirk" Denice started to laugh uncontrollably. "It is well deserved" said Nougie. "How's the investment banking business Denice?". "Fine Nougie, very busy, lots goin on". "Any new companies coming out?", asked Nougie. "Yea, got any insider information Denice?", asked Kirk. "Can you just go ahead and say that a little louder Kirk?" "Cheeezzzus Jerk, your gonna get us all investigated", said Nougie. "Sorry", said Kirk. "I didn't know". "Denice how about you showing me your office sometime. I've never really seen the inside of an Investment Banking Firm", asked Nougie. "Sure Nougie, I'll give you a tour Saturday morning, you can buy me breakfast" "Can I go", asked Kirk. Denice and Nougie looked at each other and then looked at Kirk. From their stares, he had his answer. End of Part II

To: Denice who wrote (48)	8/20/1998 12:43:00 PM
From: R.E.B.	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 633

Part III "experience is what you get . . . ." "RRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG". The phone always seems to ring the loudest when you're still asleep. "hel-row", Denice answers half awake. "It's Nougie, are we still on for my Saturday tour". "Saturday Tour?", yawned Denice. "Oh yea, sure, I'm still on, come on over in about thirty minutes". "CLUNK". Saying that Denice hanged up the phone would be an understatement. "God, that was a shitty bottle of wine last night" Denice does not remember finishing the bottle, but she did. "Click", the T.V. comes to life and Denice heads for the shower. "Today, President Clinton will address the nation and give details on each sexual act he committed with Monica Lewinsky. CNBC has requested photos and other visual materials to aid our viewers in determining what is and what is not, 'a sexual relationship', now you're up to date back to you Mark" "Now here's Joe Kernan with a stock update." "You know Mark, should I wear this tie this afternoon when I play golf" "Damn it Joe, get to the stock news, viewers are tired of you waisting their time talking about nothing for five minutes and then stumbling through your stock report....... and quit playing with that pen, it bugs the shit out of me". "YOU TELL HIM MARK", Denice yells at the T.V. from the shower. "What to wear, what to wear". Denice slips on a pair of white shorts, and a green blouse (again). "Sandals will be nice for today" Denice mumbles under her breath. "CLUNK, BUMP, CLUNK" "That must be Nougie". "JUST A MINUTE NOUGIE". "Hi Denice", says Nougie. "Hi Nougie", says Denice. "No bra today Denice, I kinda like that" "No bra, no panties, and I did not shave under my arms. Strictly casual for me" "Me too, Denice, in fact, I quit wearing underwear over two years ago. Ready?" "READY" End of part III