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Pastimes : BARDonics (comical interpretation and perspective) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ga Bard who wrote (581)	8/29/1998 3:54:00 AM
From: Debra&Jeff	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 733

Lurk if you will, nothing should stop this thread... j Bill and Monica... -When asked how the president holds his liquor, Monica replied "by the ears"! What do Monica Lewinsky and Soda Pop machines have in common? Answer: They both have slots which say "Insert 'Bill" here." --Similarities between this case and Watergate? There are tapes, allegations of a cover-up, and one Deep Throat. -FBI laboratory technicians announced today that they found a "WAD OF BILL'S" in Monica's dress pocket. -Monica said she may as well be truthful now about Bill because she doesn't think she stands a chance of getting on the Presidential Staff again. --When asked what was the difference between a night of bowling and a night with Hillary the president replied, "If I had to I could eat the bowling ball." Does Clinton wear underwear? -- He doesn't wear any because they take too long to put on when the Secret Service comes in. Monica had just recovered consciousness after surgery and asked the doctor, "How soon will I be able to resume a normal sex life?" The doctor looked puzzled and replied, "Oh, not very long?" "Why do you find the question so surprising?", asked Monica. "Well," replied the surgeon, " to be perfectly honest, I've never had a tonsilectomy patient ask me that question before!" Don't miss the new movie; "Primary Colors" Staring John Travolta as Bill Clinton, Emma Thompson as Hillary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky as the beaver. Have you heard the new meaning for the word "B.I.T.C.H."? Bill's In Trouble, Call Hillary... The White House scandal wasn't really Bill's fault, it was just something he got sucked into. Why does Monica refuse to play golf with Bill? Because she's tired of his balls hitting her in the face. Hillary wants a new Chief of Staff. No one has the job yet, but she hopes to interview Lorena Bobbitt soon. What do O.J. and Monica have in common? 1) They're both in a scandal. 2) They both have aching knees. 3) They both have unexplainable stains on their clothing. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy? --One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the white house, the other is a chocolate lab. What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common? --They were both upset when Bill finished first.

To: Ga Bard who wrote (581)	9/1/1998 10:48:00 PM
From: Tom Swift	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 733

A blond decides to go ice fishing. She gets together a pole, a stool, and an ice-pick and heads out. She sits down and gets things arranged and starts to chip away at the ice. A voice says: "There are no fish." She looks around, puzzled, and starts chipping again. Voice: "There are NO fish!" She looks around again, shrugs, and starts back to chipping. Voice: "THERE ARE NO FISH!!" She looks around again and says "who ARE you?" Voice: "I'm the ice rink manager."