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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: JEFF CHAPMAN who wrote (528)	8/25/1998 10:47:00 AM
From: treetopflier	Respond to of 2733

Top Ten Changes at NASA to Accommodate 76 Year-Old John Glenn's Return to Space Aboard the Shuttle 'Discovery' 10. All important devices now operated by the Clapper. 9. Shuttle's thermostat set at 80 degrees. 8. Shuffle board installed in cargo bay. 7. "Early Bird" specials from Morrison's Cafeteria included on menu. 6. One monitor specifically designated for Matlock. 5. Little bowls of candy scattered randomly about the ship. 4. Top speed of shuttle set at 25 miles per hour. 3. Installed a new bifocal windshield. 2. Space pants now go up to armpits. 1. Left-blinker left on for entire mission.

To: JEFF CHAPMAN who wrote (528)	8/25/1998 10:58:00 AM
From: treetopflier	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

This is an actual job application someone submitted for a fast-food establishment: APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT NAME: Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, what ever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise. SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising