To: jbn3 who wrote (85 ) 8/25/1998 11:48:00 PM From: Mick Mørmøny Respond to of 335
Dell: Where are the Piercings? TAKING THE MEDIA TEMP OF CELEBRITIES YOU HATE TO LOVE Last week, following Dell Computer's fantastic earnings news, reporters were doing the traditional recap of how Dell became so successful in the first place. Stories like these help me appreciate just how different Michael Dell is from the rest of the folks in Austin, the technology industry and, for that matter, the planet Earth. People in Austin, I've learned from attending the South-by-Southwest Festival the last four years, are forever stuck in an identity crisis--somewhere between latte-sipping cowboys and nuns with nipple rings. Walk two blocks in Austin and you'll see more cultural, occupational and racial diversity than you will in an entire season of "Deep Space Nine" and "COPS" combined. Dell started his company in a dorm room at the University of Texas at Austin and, despite the beautifully twisted madness that is Austin, Texas, he still turned out to be boring. This defies the laws of nature. I had tons of friends who went to college in Austin and started businesses in their dorm rooms. But most of them are either in prison or working tech support at Dell Computer during the day so they can pay their bills until their grunge polka/bluegrass band "Admiral Stinky Mouse and the Hard Drives" gets a record deal. But forget Austin, think of the personalities tech journalists are used to: Ellison, Ballmer, Jobs and McNealy. These guys are incredibly successful and, well, nuts. They not only run great companies, but they also think nothing of bickering in public forums and calling each other names. The press loves this. Readers love this. Take a good look at the high-tech elite during their press conferences--you get the feeling that one more camera flash could be the one that finally makes them snap and start killing people with their bare hands. It is both terrifying and terrific. Then you look at Michael Dell. He lived through UTA dorm life. He's neck-deep in the world of the digerati. Yet, he still seems so easy-going. And, if you have ever had the privilege of listening to him speak, he sounds like Vice President Al Gore after taking a bath in barbituric acid. He's the embryo of the school teacher Ben Stein played in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Here's how a typical earnings recap story on Michael Dell goes (Note: I made this example up): "After earnings of $787.5 kajillion, or $13.94 million a share, and after selling computers worldwide, some of which were sold to people in developing nations whose homes don't yet have electricity, CEO Michael Dell said his company is well-positioned for the second half of the year because of continuing strong . (At that point the journalist's head hits the keyboard as he slips into a boredom-induced coma). Michael Dell will continue to be a mystery until he does something truly Austin/technology-like and either starts slinging insults at Eckhard Pfieffer or institutes a policy where all Dell's company memos have to be read like Beat poems in the company cafeteria. Michael Dell, the letters of whose name can be rearranged to spell "He'll Die Calm," is both a marvel and an enigma to the press and the people of Austin. But his shareholders think he is the greatest thing since nonfat milk. And his competitors, I'm sure, just wish he were a little less perfect. THE USUAL SUSPECTS: BILL GATES: Saw your mug shot on the cover of Brill's Content magazine. Is it true that your PR force is as influential as Brill's makes it sound? Uh, oh. Wait, there was just a knock at my door. I can see two huge guys standing outside, each holding a hardcover copy of The Road Ahead. In the spirit of Windows, I'm going to see if they'll let me restart this paragraph. STEVE JOBS: Unlike Gil Amelio's book, Apple's iMac has sold exceedingly well. But if Apple gains back serious market share before the end of the year, I stand to lose a huge office pool bet. Hmm . well, there's always the Super Bowl. LARRY ELLISON: What gives among the ranks? Lately your executive staff has been changing positions more often than a porno star with attention deficit disorder. Are they moving on to better things or just cashing out and growing up? upside.com