The Slickster on the Bard (hope this isn't a repeat):
THE TRAGIC COMEDIE OF KING LEER
>>>> by Jonathan Perkel
>>>>
>>>> Scene 1. A forest glen.
>>>> Enter Witch Tripp and Kenneth of Starr.
>>>>
>>>> Witch Tripp:
>>>> Double, double, Webster Hubbell,
>>>> I think I got the Creep in trouble.
>>>> Eye of Newt, strap of bra,
>>>> Could it be he broke some law?
>>>> Praise this broth utmost ephemeral,
>>>> Heavens! I left out my Essence of Emeril!
>>>> Hark! Who trespasses so near?
>>>>
>>>> Kenneth of Starr: 'Tis I, the Inquisitor. What news?
>>>>
>>>> Witch Tripp: Things proceed with quickening speed, m'lord. The
maiden
>>>> Lewinsky, so deeply embroil'd, is now join'd by the Lady Willey in
like
>>>> pursuit. Daily tightens the noose around the king.
>>>>
>>>> Starr: Would that it were so, but he hath good counsel, and more
moves
>>>> than a chess board. His public, well pleas'd with good news of the
>>>> economie, doth o'erlook much.
>>>>
>>>> Witch Tripp: How may I serve you next?
>>>>
>>>> Starr: I have need of acts damnable and facts verifiable. Else he
may
>>>> elude me yet.
>>>>
>>>> Witch Tripp: His hound Buddy, freshly neuter'd, may bear his master
>>>>harsh
>>>> reproach. He may consent to wearing a collar of our invention, to
>>>>survey
>>>> the king at his ease. Dogs are much accustom'd to insects. What's
one
>>>> more bug?
>>>>
>>>> Starr: Good hag, I rely on you completely. I must away.
>>>>
>>>> (Exeunt Tripp and Starr)
>>>>
>>>> Scene 2. The king's antechamber
>>>>
>>>> Duke of McCurry: My Lord! I must speak with you most urgently! The
>>>> castle is assaulted on all sides!
>>>>
>>>> Leer: What would I not give for an hour's peace!
>>>>
>>>> McCurry: An army of reporters is settled at thy gate. They are press
in
>>>> name and press in deed, for they press me daily, nay, hourly for
some
>>>> explanation from thy lips.
>>>>
>>>> Leer: Who is there among them?
>>>>
>>>> McCurry: Lords Jennings, Brokaw, Rather, Geraldo of Rivera and a
host of
>>>> others. Methinks I spied the van from Hard Copy.
>>>>
>>>> Leer: You cut me to the quick. Do they not know that I am chaste?
>>>>
>>>> McCurry: They insinuate that thou hast chased too often.
>>>>
>>>> Leer: Never have lies been so artfully stack'd against a pure soul.
>>>> Where is Lady Hillary?
>>>>
>>>> McCurry: Her secretary doth report that she is lock'd in her bath,
saying
>>>> over and over, "Why can I not wash my hands of this guy?"
>>>>
>>>> Leer: Oh cursed fate! I must be the most solitary mortal in all
creation.
>>>> Never have I betrayed m'lady's trust.
>>>>
>>>> McCurry: Whatever.
>>>>
>>>> (Enter Messenger)
>>>>
>>>> Messenger: Good king, steel thy nerve. I bring a missive from
Kenneth
>>>> of Starr, the Grand Inquisitor.
>>>>
>>>> Leer: Was ever a man as Starr-cross'd as I? Why does this man
conspire
>>>>to
>>>> afflict me thus? My hand is unsteady. Read it to me.
>>>>
>>>> Messenger: Let me see. He offers you his regards, yadda, yadda,
yadda,
>>>> then doth subpoena you to appear at his chamber at Friday next, to
>>>> forswear again that thou tookst no liberties with the Jones wench,
who
>>>> withdraweth not her claims against you.
>>>>
>>>> Leer: I have already so sworn!
>>>>
>>>> McCurry: It would seem, m'lord, that the woeful tale of Lady Willey
>>>> rekindles old flames.
>>>>
>>>> Leer: I kiss'd the woman on the forehead, as a sign of my regard.
>>>> Never was a king so expos'd!
>>>>
>>>> McCurry: Truer words were ne'er spoken.
>>>>
>>>> Leer: I cannot think on't further. Leave me to my own counsel.
>>>>
>>>> (Exeunt Messenger and McCurry)
>>>>
>>>> Leer: To be forthright, or not to be forthright, that is the
question.
>>>> Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of
>>>> outrageous fortune, or just bag the whole thing and teach law at a
>>>> junior college.
>>>>
>>>> (Enter Courtier)
>>>>
>>>> Courtier: My liege, you are late for an appointed meeting.
>>>>
>>>> Leer: What's this?
>>>>
>>>> Courtier: You were to interview a new assistant at the stroke of
two.
>>>> She seems most capable, and with rare intellect for one so young
and
>>>>fair.
>>>>
>>>> Leer: Well, tell her I will see her anon, and on, and on.
>>>>
>>>> Courtier: A most clever jest, my king.
>>>>
>>>> Leer: Let us not tarry further.
>>>>
>>>> (Exeunt Leer and courtier. Enter Buddy, from behind a chair)
>>>>
>>>> Buddy:
>>>> So dearest reader, I bid adieu.
>>>> Me seeth I have much to do.
>>>> And so it comes to this pretty pass
>>>> To see if the king doth get some ....
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