To: Ronaldo who wrote (23582 ) 8/28/1998 10:47:00 AM From: Lazarus Long Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 50264
Thanks Ron... I enjoyed those ponderables... I recently came by a story that I found rather amusing. I thought my "DGIV family" might also enjoy it! Lazarus, wondering if E'Lane's been skiing in Utah again... ********************************************************************************************* >> SO HOW'D YOU BREAK YOUR ARM? >> by Gloria Abrahamson Mohall Farmer >> >> Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the >> humor of the slopes as written in this account by a New >> Orleans' paper. >> >> A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the >> kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. >> Conditions were perfect. 12 below, no feeling in the toes, >> basic numbness all over, "tell me when we're having fun" kind >> of day. >> >> One of the women in the group complained to her husband that >> she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, >> that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the >> lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in >> distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go >> away. >> >> If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you >> know that a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. >> So, with time running out, the woman weighted her options. >> >> Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested >> that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should >> go off in the woods. No one would even notice, he assured her. >> The white will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she >> headed for the tree line, began disrobing and proceeded to do >> her thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then >> you know there is a right way and wrong way to set up your skis >> so you don't move. Yup, you got it. She had them positioned the >> wrong way. >> >> Steep slopes are not forgiving, even during embarrassing >> moments. Without warning, the woman found herself skiing >> backward, out-of-control, racing through the trees, somehow >> missing all of them, and into another slope. Her derriere and >> the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her >> knees, and she was picking up speed all the while. >> >> She continued on backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an >> unusual vista for the other skiers. >> >> The woman skied, if you define that verb loosely, back under >> the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad >> news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her >> ski pants. At long last her husband arrived, put an end to her >> nudie show, then went to the base of the mountain and summoned >> the ski patrol, who transported her to a hospital. >> >> In the emergency room she was regrouping when a man with an >> obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. >> >> "So. how'd you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk. >> >> "It was the darndest thing you ever saw," he said. "I was >> riding up this ski lift, and suddenly I couldn't believe my >> eyes. There was this crazy woman skiing backward >> out-of-control down the mountain with her bare bottom hanging >> out of her clothes and pants down around her knees." >> >> "I leaned over to get a better look and I guess I didn't >> realize how far I'd moved. I fell out of the lift." >> >> "So, how'd you break your arm?"