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Pastimes : FLAME THREAD - Post all obnoxious/derogatory comments here -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: E who wrote (5761)	8/30/1998 7:46:00 AM
From: Solon	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 12754

Hello E. When are you going to show a little kindness to Muffy. She needs you! "if people burn in hell--forever...what actually burns???!" "I've thought about that mystery myself, but I figured out that the flames have to be the same kind as in those imitation fireplaces. You know-- just spinning aluminum foil and a red light. So not to worry." I was hoping it was lust. I've had burning lust. It is not all that bad. (I'm also hoping that I can call people darling there; and also honey, sugar plum, precious, and sweetness). I met a girl after a golf tournament on Old Windy, and I had occasion to request her assistance in removing a stuck golf ball from my garden hose. Imagine my consternation when she retrieved it from the other end of the hose. I gotta tell ya...it scared me a bit. I wanted to call her darling; but silly protocol being what it is--I just called her foxy... Enough patter. I have tried to avoid telling this. If the truth be known, I have been in shock--still am. Well, I've avoided the issue long enough. The reason I am yapping about nothing is this: today I came across the most ominous and maleficent news that I have ever come across. Immediately after hearing this news I called my daughter and I told her I loved her; I then called a couple of friends and told them I despised them. Finally, I kissed my dog and shook his paw. This news was bad--really, really bad. I remember as a kid when my dad would take me across Ol' Thunder Gorge for medicine to keep us kids quiet. My mom would say: "Be an angel and bring mom her medicine...and you kids have some, too!" Well, that was another place and another time; most of it I don't remember. So what is the news? Simply this: If even one of these people has a thought; you can go to the barn, you can lovingly butt the nanny goat; you can genuflect...and you can kiss your mule goodbye. In my opinion: the only means to prevent total world destruction is to ensure a continuous supply of hard whiskey across Ol' Thunder Gulch. Apparently some of the Thunder Gulch people are resident on this thread. I beg them: DO NOT GO HOME. I know that Robert Frost considered that home was the place where, when you had to go there...they had to take you in. You know damn well he was not talking about hillbillies; he was referring to regular people with thoughts and feelings. (HE WAS NOT TALKING ABOUT MY PEOPLE, DAMN IT!!) We don't want anything to happen that could interrupt their drinking and possibly cause a thought to occur. This would be a recipe for corn salad on a global scale. Here is the news. I doubt that anything can be done from this point in time, but hope springs infernal. "come here Duke; atta boy; speak fella; Don't touch that, boy. Thats plain water. This is the stuff you're lookin for..." NEWS: theonion.com