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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: diddlysquatz who wrote (562)	9/3/1998 9:26:00 AM
From: Yuri Aminov	Respond to of 2733

WINNIPEG, Manitoba, (Reuters) - A 230-pound woman who was denied a chance to strip at a Winnipeg area nightclub said Tuesday she planned to take the establishment "to the cleaners" if it does not apologize. Sherry VanRooy, aka Scarlet, said she was humiliated when the disc jockey at the club, at the Balmoral Motor Hotel, refused to allow her on stage on amateur night. "He said I'm overweight, I'm fat, and an embarrassment and disgrace to the hotel." The nightclub said too many women wished to participate in the event and it was forced to turn VanRooy, 29, and her husband away. See infobeat.com

To: diddlysquatz who wrote (562)	9/9/1998 12:57:00 PM
From: Yuri Aminov	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES/ADS: FATHERS DAY SALE: TAMPAX TAMPONS $5.99 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS. BIG B BRAND PANTY LINERS, WITH BUILT IN FLASH -- 99cents FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD PART DOG 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15 TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800 TICKLE ME ELMO. NEW IN BOX. HARDLY TICKLED. $700 2 TINKLE ME ELMO DOLLS - BEST OFFER BLACK FACE COWS, CALVES...ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE. '83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000 VALENTINES DAY SALE: TY-D-BOL BLUE TOSS-INS STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15 DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOUR VALENTINE - HAVE YOUR SEPTIC TANK PUMPED. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR DOG FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG. SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE - 89 cents GERMAN SHEPHARD. 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE. FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL. FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BTH HOME. FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50 CHARMIN ULTRA BATHROOM TISSUE -- BONELESS NORDIC TRACK $300 - HARDLY USED - CALL CHUBBIE at: BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING - "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS" SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG...LOOKS LIKE A RAT...BEEN OUT AWHILE...BETTER BE A REWARD. HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!" GET A LITTLE JOHN - THE TRAVELING URINAL - HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER. PRESIDENT'S CHOICE - COW MANURE - 2 33lb bags - $5 HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb. FOR RENT - VIBRATOR - WELL USED CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE, 2 CENTS OR BEST OFFER NICE PARACHUTE - NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED BORDER COLLIE FEMALE TO A GOOD HOE. GOOD WITH CHILDREN. WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN -- FROST FREE! BARBIE COUNTRY RIDE -- (note: most dolls cannot pedal the bike). '93 PONTIAC LEMONS - LOW MILES FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT. FROZEN SOFT & GENTLE BATH TISSUE - 4 ROLLS 99 CENTS AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED - $100 KITTENS 8 WEEKS OLD - SEEKING GOOD CHRISTIAN HOME. TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR. NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE. PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VINCINITY ARE DEAD. THE MOST ROMANTIC LOVE SONGS OF THE '50s: INCLUDING "16 TONS" BY TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD EXERCISE EQUIPMENT QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRING - $175. OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB - AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER. JOINING NUDIST COLONY, MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER - $300. LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY. ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

To: diddlysquatz who wrote (562)	9/14/1998 4:16:00 PM
From: treetopflier	Respond to of 2733

Death and Gravity An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple. So she shot herself in the left kneecap.