To: Linda Pearson who wrote (1458 ) 9/8/1998 2:40:00 PM From: Naggrachi Respond to of 10072
You want humor? Well, here it is: A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump" "My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go" "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered. "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack". ------------------------------ If dogs can hear so well, why do they bark so loudly? The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forgetit once. Remember the date of her birth, but forget the year of her birth. I have an Olympic sex life: Once every four years. About the Calamity Jane cartoon show: Only American TV could take a historic tobacco-chewing hard-swearing woman who dressed as a man and turn her into Barbie with a whip. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. Watching the Emmy awards Sunday night, I wondered: Do those women really sit down wearing those dresses?Is Mir still under warranty? If you want to keep your friends or relatives a safe distance away, just lend them some money.I'll never forget old what's her name. Diana = Died In a Nasty Accident On my honeymoon, I found out my wife always wears a Wonderbra. Can I sue her for false advertising or divorce her for misrepresentation? For sale: Exercise cycle, low mileage. Prince Charles is ugly and his mother dresses him funny, too. ------------------------------AFTER QUASIMODO DIED...... After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally. He ascended into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, the bishop decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to the dead man's side. When the bishop reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, someone asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" "I never learned his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell." The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell-ringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you allow me to honor his life by choosing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he gasped, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What happened?" the first asked breathlessly. "Who is this man?" "I don't know his name," wailed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."=========================================== Did you hear about the blond that... Thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period. Thought that "no kidding" meant some form of birth control. Thought that "moby dick" was a veneral disease. Smelled good only on the right side because she couldn't find the leftguard. Studied 5 days for a urine test.Thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas. Was in the indy 500 and had 7 pit stops, 1 for gas and 6 fordirections. Put 75 holes in her face?...she was learning to eat with a fork. Why did the dumb blond's belly button hurt? Her boyfriend is blond,too.