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Politics : THE STARR REPORT -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: jayhawk969 who wrote (129)	9/12/1998 10:30:00 AM
From: K A Anderson	Respond to of 1533

The Next Presidential Revelation I would'nt be surprised if sometime soon you will see a press release combining "Ted Kennedy, Jimmy Carter, and Jimmy Swaggart" style speech and strategies" The scene opens with a tear stained Bill Clinton peering into the camera, with all the cabinet standing behind him for moral support. " my fellow Americans, I have sinned with my cigar, the day of these alleged incidents I was drunk during this incident... <sniff> when my cigar plunged off my desk, it was horrible, as I clawed my way out from under my desk I remember groping er I mean grasping some large soft, well I dont remember exactly what they were but I they reminded me so much of breasts, seeking solice from the horror I just witnessed... I buried my face in them...then... (bites his lip for dramatic effect) then I guess I blacked out, I remember coming to and there it was (OHHHHH BOOOO HOOOOO <sniff sniff>,) there was that cigar laying there on the floor looking so lifeless, I started CPR but judging from the taste of it there was nothing I could do for it... by then I was not thinking clearly I think... (OHHHHH BOOOO HOOOOO) the next thing I know I am aimlessly wandering through the White House halls. I remember Betty Curry asking me about this strange smile on my face... I must have been completely out of my mind at that time. I told her I had just got off the phone with Monica,,, I went back to the Oval Office and called three congressmen, during that call I was over come with very very strange sensations in my lower extremities, and I realized I too must be injured also(Ohhhh Boooo Hoooo) that poor poor cigar.... I have sinned please please forgive me" Of course the camera fades out with the President resting his head on Janet Reno's shoulder with her trying to sooth him,,, slowly it then pans across the Congressional Floor he is getting a standing O... A quick 30 second CBS ABC NBC and CNN poll show the President has the support of 88% of the American public after such a stirring revelation and moving speech. KAA