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Politics : Clinton's Scandals: Is this corruption the worst ever? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Who, me? who wrote (5130)	9/12/1998 11:43:00 AM
From: Les H	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 13994

THOSE WHO PUFF ARE IN A HUFF OVER THAT CIGAR By GERSH KUNTZMAN Freud famously observed once that even though a cigar is the ultimate phallic symbol, sometimes it's just a cigar. Now we find out that sometimes it's also a sex toy. President Clinton's unconventional use of a stogie as an (extra)marital aide has been graphically confirmed by Kenneth Starr's report, leaving the entire nation talking, cringing and joking about our fearless leader's smokin' sex in the Oval Office. In my opinion, it only becomes an impeachable offense if the cigar was Cuban, said Penthouse publisher Bob Guccione. Angriest of all are cigar lovers, who fear that their beloved smokes will become just another symbol of tawdry salaciousness. This is going to hurt the cigar industry, said Carl Paleologos, owner of the See Gar store in Park Slope, Brooklyn. Let's face it, women will hate cigars even more - and they had been the big growth area in the business. But even Paleologos admits he may be overreacting: The novelty of Starr's report - which details how Clinton sexually stimulated Lewinsky with his cigar before putting it in his mouth and saying, It tastes good - has sent some varieties flying off the shelves. A woman came in the other day and said, "What's the biggest, fattest cigar you have? It's a joke for my boyfriend,' he said. So I sold her a Juan Clemente. It's eight inches long and nearly one inch thick. The $18 whoppers have sold so briskly, he doesn't have any left. His customers will have to satisfy themselves (or their wives) with a seven-inch, three-quarter-inch-thick Todo El Mundo for $7. Over at P.B. Cuban Cigars in Chelsea, owner Martha Pena said $10 Torpedos are smokin' right now. People come in and say, "We want Monica Lewinsky's cigar,' she said. Psychiatrists, naturally, are also busy as they try to understand Clinton's sex play. It can be interpreted many different ways, said John Lucas, a forensic psychiatrist. Among Lucas' interpretations: Clinton has higher-than-average castration anxiety. He inserts the cigar and suddenly Monica is transformed to a woman with a penis. He is symbolically repairing her castration. Clinton is unleashing his own latent homosexuality. He's putting a phallus in his mouth, but he chooses a cigar because that's acceptable to men. The cigar is just a cigar and happened to be handy at the time. The president's endorsement of cigars as a sex toy has not, at least not yet, spilled over into the actual sex-toy industry. A quick perusal of the still-legal porn shops in Times Square found no cigar-shaped, scented or themed adult toys. There is one popular cigar-colored product called The Executive, a light oak model made by Doc Johnson Enterprises. The company dubbed it the vibrator that gets down to business! But ol' Doc Johnson will not be exploiting the president's current crisis by minting a battery-powered, plastic stogie. Clinton has been very good to us so we won't do anything to make fun of him, said a company spokeswoman. In the meantime, Paleologos assures customers that there's nothing dangerous about playing around with a good cigar. The whole thing is just leaves and a bit of vegetable-based glue, he said. If you can insert it in your mouth, you can insert it anywhere.