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Pastimes : BARDonics (comical interpretation and perspective) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: RavMan who wrote (618)	9/18/1998 9:06:00 PM
From: Debra&Jeff	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 733

Random thoughts <oh no!!> If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that person considered a hostage situation? Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there. Whatever happened to preparations A through G? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? So what's the speed of dark? How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow? Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food? If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in? I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics? When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's 3.95 per minute. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? How come abbreviated is such a long word? If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts? Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together? Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have? If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money? What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"? Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go? Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door? Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress? Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking? War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left