FUNNY, SAD, BUT TRUE: Big fat liar
"The aim of the liar is charm, to delight, to give pleasure. He is the very basis of civilized society." --Oscar Wilde
Last week, WND introduced me as their "fiery new columnist." The problem is, when I re-read that first piece, I felt like it was pretty tepid fare. So I figured that if I was going to live up to that kind of PR, I'd better turn up the flame a bit. Otherwise people are going to think I'm just another one of those big-mouthed, show-offy guys like Limbaugh, or that other character ... ah, whatshisname...Durdge? Hence, I feel impelled to "show my stuff," as it were. Hmmm, let's see. OK. How's this for starters?
You're a liar.
No no no. Don't look around the room. I'm talkin' to you, brother.
Got your attention yet? Well, just follow along.
Somebody has just called you a liar. Does that make you mad? Because you are, you know. Right now, everybody's busy jabbering about ol' Bill, so don't tell me that telling lies is no big thing. Otherwise what's all the fuss about? But the thing is, while you're busy yammering about Clinton's latest sins, you're forgetting the fact that you're a liar too.
Have I said it enough yet?
You see, my theory (donning on my professor's hat now) is that the reason everyone is so engaged in this rather low-rent sideshow is that it provides a great way for them to avoid looking at themselves. This is why we love scandals and gossip. It's why there's no more "straight media." It's all tabloid now. The reason -- and this is from the "experts" -- that people are so addicted to "gossip-as-entertainment" (political gossip is still gossip) is that it keeps them from paying attention to their own troubles. It keeps them from having to look at their own tawdry little lives.
If you deny that you're a liar, I challenge you to see if you can go through one day of your life, and tell me truthfully that you haven't told one single lie. White lie, black lie, I don't care. I'm talkin' NO LIES, amigo. Go ahead, do it!
You can't, can you? Because lying (and again we're making no distinction between "big lies" and "little lies") is the way of the world. I don't care whether you're trying to talk the cop that stopped you out of giving you a ticket ("No, officer, I swear I didn't run that stop sign!" Yes you did. ), or telling your wife that the reason you're late is because you got caught in a traffic jam (You stopped off and had a beer!). I don't care whether it's as simple as
telling someone that you love their new hairdo, when the fact is you think it looks like hell.
But those aren't real lies, you say. Oh really? Fine. Then tell me where the line of demarcation is. Because a lie is a lie is a lie. Besides that, I'll bet my boots that besides "little lies," you probably tell some whoppers. If your ass is on the line, you're gonna lie. If you fudged on your last IRS report (made up some expenses that
didn't really exist) you lied. Bigtime. That lie could send you to jail. If you've ever cheated on your significant other and not fessed up to it -- you're a liar. That's right: concealment is a lie.
OK, you say. So I may lie now and then. But you've got to lie. ... at least a little bit ... just to get through the day. And besides, I didn't really hurt anybody. Sound familiar? If not, just flip on the news.
Allright, I don't have much space here, so let's get down to the nitty gritty. Why is telling a lie so bad? We're not talking degree. We're talking about the act of lying; white lie ... black lie ... an O.J. Simpson kind of lie ... a Bill Clinton kind of lie ... the whole shebang.
Now check this out. And this is just my theory. I say that a lie -- any lie -- in and of itself is inherently evil. Who told the first lie ever? Satan. Psalms 116.11 states: "I said in my haste. All men are liars." Whether or not you buy the Biblical version of creation, it makes no difference. (Even if you do it simply on an allegorical basis, just bear with me for a minute). If man was born a pure, innocent, Godly being, and the human race was corrupted though what? -- a lie -- then the entire race was polluted (i.e. we were born sinners) because of a lie! I don't care whether you're a Christian or a Jew or some damn, vegetable eating, whale-saving Scientologist -- the logic is still the same. We start out basically good ... that is, we're like an empty vessel. We're clean. Now, every time you tell a lie, there are a series of actual, physical, emotional, and neurological changes that take place in your body. In essence, your being -- to some degree -- begins to get polluted.
Just think about it. When you lie what happens? You've got to expend energy to remember the lie, and to cover it up. One lie leads to another, and so forth. As your life goes on, each time you lie, you beome more and more polluted. More of your "goodness" is tainted. At some stage of the game you cross the line: you've become what's known as a "congenital liar." That is, your conscience can no longer distinguish between what's true and what's not true.
There's another slightly less polite term for that state: Sociopath. And another: Insanity.
Is O.J. Simpson a sociopath? Is Charles Manson insane? (I firmly believe these are two men who epitomize evil.) Sorry, I don't have the answer. But the fact is -- neither of those men has ever admitted to the crimes they've committed. They're both living proof of what happens when the "pollution" takes over.
But now let's get back to you. (Sorry, you don't get off that easy). Each time you tell a lie -- little ... big, I don't care -- you pollute your system. (Your brain, your heart, your soul). Each time you lie, you sacrifice something.
It's called your integrity. You become diseased. The degree of the disease depends upon many factors, which we don't have time to discuss here. But if you don't believe that the world -- that is, you (because you are the world) -- is literally sick, then we've got nothing more to discuss.
But how do I get through a normal day without lying, you ask? If I don't lie (i.e. if I tell my boss that I really think he's a boor and that I hate his guts), I'll get fired! Sorry, pal. I can't offer any remedy for that one either.
The best example of someone who never lied was Jesus. And look what they did to him. And I'll bet that no matter how strong a Bible believer you are, you don't want to end up like that, do you?
But the truth is, if you don't lie ... perhaps that may happen to you. You may literally be crucified. You may have a life full of incredible suffering, instead of incredible pleasure (which is what most of us are seeking).
The only way out of this dilemma is to look at yourself, and then take some kind of action. (Just looking isn't good enough. You've got to change your behavior.) Nobody can do it for you. No amount of "discussion" or "debate" is going to help. But I'll guarantee you one thing: If you keep wasting your precious time blabbing about Clinton (or whoever the latest scandal is) ... you'll never have the opportunity to look at your own shabby little life. You'll never get in touch with your own hypocrisy. You'll never catch yourself when you succumb to temptation ... when you cheat, when you steal, when you lie. And that's your job while you're here. To make yourself a better person. Not to sit around like a bunch of monkeys and watch some dumb sideshow.
I know what's coming next. And the answer is, no -- I don't disinclude myself from any of this. In fact, I'll tell you something. As a child, I was a big-time liar. When I was around twelve, I was in Freudian therapy for a period of about a year. Well, I thought I was pretty smart, so I decided I'd try a little experiment: I decided that I was never going to tell the therapist one true thing (except, name, rank, serial number) about myself. Which is exactly what I did. So for an entire year, I went in to this guy's office and concocted one story after another. (I had a ball, and I even got to get out of school early!)
At the end of the year, when I was leaving (my family moved from Ohio to California) I (smugly) told the doctor, "You know what, doc? I've never told you one true thing the entire time I've been coming here. I just made everything up."
And this guy ... who (being a Freudian) had literally never spoken more than two words to me ("Uh huh." "Yes, go on") looked up at me and said very quietly, "I know. "
I was aghast. Then he said something even weirder. He said "It makes no difference to me. I learned just as much about you from the stories you made up." And with that, we bid one another goodbye, me feeling duly humbled.
Now you see, being a writer, I get a bit of an out. One of my favorite books is entitled "How To Lie For Fun And Profit." It's a fiction-methodology book written by Lawrence Block, a very good mystery writer (and a journalist as well). Block points out that "all writers are essentially liars." Especially writers of fiction. And he's right. That's what we do -- we make up stories. So let's say -- at least as a fiction writer -- that I've been given a socially accepted outlet for my "habit."
But there came a point in my life -- somewhere in my thirties -- when I realized, "My God, sometimes I actually don't know when I'm making things up, or if they really happened." And that scared the hell out of me. At that point, I decided to use myself as an experiment. I began to try to cut lying entirely out of my life.
I'll tell you ... those first couple of years were a bitch, though it did get easier as time went on. (Yes, lying is absolutely an addiction).
Did I succeed? In answer to that I'll just say that the battle is never over. You have to work constantly to stay "aware." Like my friend Dennis Prager, I do not believe that the human being is by nature "good." And even if you consider yourself "saved," you're not off the hook by any means. Because you're still subject to temptation.
You still stumble. You still fall.
So, to wind up this little sermon, I'll simply suggest this. Quit wasting your precious hours gossiping about this Clinton thing. He'll get what's coming to him (he is already, isn't he?). Quit watching so much TV; quit reading so many papers, and get the hell out of the Internet chat rooms. Stop all that, and take some time to look
inside yourself. I'm not talking about some stupid state of meditation, or hypnotizing yourself with "positive self-affirmations" (what a load of crap!). I'm talking about -- without making any arguments or excuses -- simply "looking."
I can tell you that it's probably not going to be a very pretty picture. I can also tell you that it'll be the beginning of a very interesting journey. So, that's my challenge to you. You can accept it, or you can remain amongst the ranks of the blind.
The choice is yours.
One quick final note: I want to thank all of you who took the time to send me email. I'm truly gratified. However, I must say this -- because of one particularly stupid email by an individual (out of sheer benevolence, this dolt shall remain nameless) who thought he'd get cute with me because there were some grammatical errors in my
response to his letter (which was pretty dumb to begin with). So here's the deal, folks. I don't proof-read or spell-check my emails, OK? I have to spend enough bloody time answering them. I'm not whining; I'm simply not going to do it. If you don't like that -- tough. I'll make my best effort to respond personally to each and every one of your letters (you try answering 300 emails sometime!). And if you take umbrage at my "no spellcheck policy," please ... go write some other columnist. There's a million of 'em out there who'd just love to put you on their mailing list.
S.L. Goldman
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