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Politics : Bill Clinton Scandal - SANITY CHECK -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Lizzie Tudor who wrote (3894)	9/19/1998 8:48:00 PM
From: Les H	Respond to of 67261

Breaking News from CNN: Clinton Thrown Out of Betty Ford Clinic BNN has learned that earlier this year President Clinton attempted to deal with his sexual addiction by secretly checking himself into the Betty Ford Clinic. His attempt at recovery failed when the clinic's doctors declared him "incurable" and forced him to leave the clinic. Dr. Virginia Morehead, who runs the clinics sexual addiction department told BNN, "The President is an incurable and hopeless rogue. During therapy sessions he would give me those sad puppy eyes, tell me how stressful it was being the leader of the free-world and how he needed a stress release. One time he asked me if I was happily married, then proceeded to tell me how my name turned him on. He made several passes at me and I had to have him removed from my office in restraints. While he was being hauled off to his room he shouted at the top of his lungs that he wanted see Betty and that Betty would be more understanding about his problem." White House officials refused to comment on Clinton's trip to the Betty Ford Clinic.

To: Lizzie Tudor who wrote (3894)	9/19/1998 8:50:00 PM
From: Les H	Respond to of 67261

Mr. Environment, VP Al Gore, in the News: Underwear Filter Inspired by Gore's Campaign Against Methane PORTLAND, OR - Cicci's, a major U.S. clothing manufacturer has created the first-ever "environmentally friendly" underwear. This underwear features an inner pocket for disposable methane filters. Said Alfredo Cicci, environmental activist and inventor of the disposable methane filter, "Vice-President Gore's Campaign against Methane alerted me to the destructive force of flatulence. I knew something had to be done to stop the gas or the planet would perish." Cicci spent 3 years and 4 million dollars selflessly pursing a way to save the earth. The result of his labor of love is the disposable methane filter. Said Cicci, "The concept was fairly simple. It is similar to putting a filter on an exhaust pipe or smoke stack. We experimented with many different filtering combinations. Our test subjects would load up on beans and then go down to the lab for a 'smog-check'. We wiped out thousands of pairs of underwear before we finally found the right filter." Cicci claims that his disposable methane filter can block 99% of the gas and 50% of the noise associated with human flatulence. An added feature of the disposable methane filter is its ability to save marriages. Said Cicci, "We found that men who wear the disposable methane filter in their underwear are no longer able to gross their wives out by farting in bed and then fluffing the covers." Said one woman, whose husband helped test the filters, "This product is a god-send! There's no more smelly blankets, no more lingering gas in the living room, no more "come here and pull my finger". It's almost like my husband isn't home. I love this underwear!" However, there is down-side to the product. The filter is four inches thick. Test subjects complained that the filter feels baggy. They also complained that when they wore the filter people would point and laugh at them because it looked like they had dropped a load in their pants. Cicci assured BNN that he is planning to release thinner filters by the end of next year. Environmentally friendly underwear should hit the stores in time for the Christmas shopping season. Cicci urges that everyone do their part to save the planet by purchasing this new and exciting product.