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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Rabbit who wrote (635)	9/22/1998 4:43:00 PM
From: treetopflier	Respond to of 2733

Bad habits Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar. The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea" He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar. The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health." The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good". The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver". The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone". As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit." Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you". The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see what a man with no bad habits looks like."

To: The Rabbit who wrote (635)	9/22/1998 6:24:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

Carrot controversy hits soccer dailynews.yahoo.com Tuesday September 22 5:18 PM EDT RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) - A carrot controversy hit Brazilian soccer on Tuesday after Atletico Mineiro striker Edmilson ate one of the vegetables in a goal celebration at the weekend. His gesture was seen as provocative by supporters and players of rival team America-Belo Horizonte, nicknamed the rabbits, and criticized by former World Cup referee Jose Roberto Wright. One America player was sent off for a vicious tackle on Edmilson in the second half in an apparent reprisal. Edmilson pulled the carrot from his shorts, ran to the crowd and began eating it after scoring the opening goal in Atletico's 2-0 win in a Brazilian championship derby on Sunday. Both teams come from Belo Horzionte, Brazil's third largest city, where the carrot celebration became a major talking point among the public. ''I didn't want to offend anyone with the joke. It was just to liven up the derby,'' Edmilson told the sports daily Lance, adding that he kept the carrot in his shorts from the start of the game until scoring in the 20th minute. ''Did I find it revolting to eat it? Of course not. I don't find my own body revolting.'' He admitted, however, the America midfielder Dinho, the player shown the red card, was not amused. ''Dinho was upset. He said it was a humiliation. He was very violent with me and was so angry that he spat in my face. He didn't see the funny side.'' Wright, a referee in the 1990 World Cup, was another critic. ''What he did...with the intention of provoking the rival fans, merited a yellow card,'' Wright said. ''But what most amazes me was the taste the carrot must have had. All sweaty and kept in his shorts. The Atletico player clearly has a lot of courage and desire to make the fans happy.'' Brazilian players have always been among the trend-setters in eccentric goal celebrations. A wave of choreographed moves to mark a goal hit the Brazilian game several years ago while the telephone celebration, in which the goalscorer runs to the public phone behind the goal at the Maracana stadium and pretends to make a call, has also become popular. Two years ago, a Corinthians players caused a storm by impersonating a floundering fish after a goal against Santos -- nicknamed ''The Fish.''

To: The Rabbit who wrote (635)	9/23/1998 3:29:00 PM
From: treetopflier	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Another Clinton Joke The Gores and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy." Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." Hillary tosses her perfectly hair-sprayed hair and says, "I could throw one hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."