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Politics : Clinton's Scandals: Is this corruption the worst ever? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Rick Slemmer who wrote (6961)	9/25/1998 6:09:00 PM
From: jbe	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 13994

Rick -- By this time, I think, Monica already had a real "job" in the White House. But Evelyn Lieberman had her kicked out because she was spending too much time stalking the Prez. jbe

To: Rick Slemmer who wrote (6961)	9/25/1998 11:34:00 PM
From: Les H	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 13994

Monica Suicide Drama 'Tell Bill I'm Sorry' Monica Lewinsky is mired in a suicide drama -- she's so depressed since her love affair with Bill Clinton exploded into scandal that friends fear she'll kill herself. And members of Monica's circle are keeping close tabs on the emotionally fragile former White House intern now that the love of her life's Presidency is in jeopardy. "I've destroyed the man I loved," Monica sobbed to a friend. "Tell Bill I'm sorry!" Crying, eating binges and self-blame have become a way of life for the once frisky 25-year-old. On her bathroom mirror she recently scrawled in lipstick: "I'm a mistake!" She dials the White House and then hangs up, knowing it's useless. She feels no other man will ever trust her and that she'll never get another job. 'I've destroyed the man I love' The only thing that keeps her going is the dream that in the end she and Bill Clinton will somehow be reunited. "Monica is so devastated by the entire mess that her friends and family fear she might take her own life," a source close to her revealed. "When Monica has appeared in public, she's almost always had a smile on her face. But the people who know her best understand that's just a mask. There are countless tears and a broken heart behind that smile. "It's not just the public humiliation. That alone would have destroyed most people. Monica's biggest upset is her fear that she lost the man she loved -- and still loves to this day -- Bill Clinton. "She's a tortured soul, sitting around her mother's apartment in the Watergate tearfully watching TV soap operas and eating to cope with her pain. "During a long, sad conversation, one of her closest friends told Monica: 'You need help. You sound like you're going crazy.' "Monica replied, 'I'm not going crazy. I am crazy. This whole mess has made me crazy. I never thought it would come to this, but I'm starting to feel like my life isn't worth living. " 'If I have to spend the rest of my life this way, I don't want to live anymore!' "The friend was so worried that she pleaded with Monica to see a shrink in Northern Virginia. But Monica refused. She trusts very few people now and she didn't know if she could trust a shrink she had never met before. A Washington insider told The ENQUIRER: "Monica's closest friends and her family are extremely concerned about how low her spirits are. They had hoped that after her grand jury testimony she'd begin feeling better, but that hasn't happened at all -- she's become even more depressed. "Monica's been under extraordinary pressures that have brought her to the brink of suicide a number of times. "The first time was when the President actually severed his relationship with her. Monica was absolutely devastated because she thought their love affair would last forever. She feels that without him, she has nothing to live for. "Then when she went before the grand jury, she felt like she was putting the final nail into her lover's coffin. She really felt like she should end it all. "She believes if she didn't testify about their affair, she and Bill would still have a chance of being together, especially after he gets out of office. "And she saw the recent press conference in Russia where Bill referred to their relationship as a 'mistake,' Monica took it as a huge personal insult. "She wrote, 'I'm a mistake!' in red lipstick on her bathroom mirror and broke down sobbing, 'I've been a mistake all my life! Nobody loves me!' "Monica is wracked with guilt and self-loathing. Sadly, the only pleasure she finds these days seems to be bingeing on fattening foods. "Monica is incredibly sensitive about her weight. If her mother even brings the topic up, she'll start screaming and burst into tears. "Just about anything can set Monica off these days. She spends most of her time in front of the television, which does help to relax her. But when her name comes up in some disparaging context, such as in a joke on a late night talk show, the tears begin to flow!" Another insider revealed: "Monica will cry for hours and hours saying, 'What's Bill going to think of me? Because of this scandal I can't imagine I'll ever meet another man who can trust me. I've been so ridiculed, who could love me?' "Her friends have caught her dialing the White House and then hanging up. She confessed she didn't know what she was doing. " 'I just want to talk with Bill,' she said. 'I can't help myself. I do it unconsciously. This is so crazy. What am I doing? " 'What kind of life am I going to have? How will I ever get a job. Who will hire me? I'm the laughing stock of the world. " 'My life is like a tragic soap opera!' "Monica is now living in seclusion in the Watergate apartment. She orders pizzas to be delivered and forgets how much she has eaten. "Or she stuffs Oreo cookies into her mouth and the bag is empty before she realizes it. She goes through carton after carton of Haagen-Dazs ice cream. And Planters Peanut candy bars. "She has been on such a binge that she has outgrown the wardrobe she wore when she was a White House intern and has had to send friends out to buy larger sizes of clothing to wear!" Even Monica's own dad, Bernard Lewinsky, has admitted that her life isn't productive at all. He told the Los Angeles Times: "You go crazy sitting in a room, no matter how big the room is." A source declared: "Monica's family and closest friends have worked out an arrangement to keep an eye on her at every moment, day and night. They have a very real anxiety that she might try to take her own life." The friend added: "I've never seen Monica like this. "She told me: 'I destroyed the man I love. Tell Bill how sorry I am. Tell him how miserable I feel. " 'Please find a way to let him know that I'd do anything to change the ruination I caused him if only I had a chance.' "Monica is having a hard time dealing with the love she feels for Bill Clinton and the hatred she feels for herself. "And it's driving her to the brink!" -- BENNET BOLTON and JESSE OPPENHEIMER