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To: Colin who wrote (2303)	9/26/1998 12:07:00 AM
From: Apex	Respond to of 4201

ONLY IN AMERICA Only in America . . . can a pizza get to your house aster than an ambulance. Only in America . . . are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. Only in America . . . do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke. Only in America . . . do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America . . . do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage. Only in America . . . do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in America . . . do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America . . . do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures".

To: Colin who wrote (2303)	9/26/1998 1:02:00 AM
From: Apex	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 4201

For the male gender...ladies...please do not take offence. Found something posted by Clark Kent on the SI Welcome thread. ======================== How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It had better be opened by the time she brings it Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There's a clock on the oven! Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure. Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you're going to want to shoot it. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in. All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%...wedding cake.