Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Monty Lenard who wrote (683)	9/30/1998 12:26:00 PM
From: bob gauthier	Respond to of 2733

Yakov Smirnoff I believe the 'Only in America' is attributed to Russian born comic Yakov Smirnoff. Here are some more from him: Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in America...are there handicapped parking places in front of a skating rink. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, a large order of fries, and a diet Coke. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain cheap ball-point pens to the counters. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and lock useless things and junk in boxes in the garage. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in America...do we purchase hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America...do we use the word politics to describe the process so well, Poli in Latin meaning many and tics meaning blood sucking.

To: Monty Lenard who wrote (683)	9/30/1998 12:33:00 PM
From: The Rabbit	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

The "day without sunshine" quip I heard first from Steve Martin. The "psychic girlfriend" and "choking a Smurf" lines are, I believe, from Stephen Wright. Clearly good jokes come from people named Steve (like myself). ------------------ On the subject of the cat and buttered bread, Dave Barry (I believe) postulated that a cat with buttered bread tied to it would hover over the ground while physics decided which end to land. He went on to suggest that we give up on Room-Temperature superconductors or high-powered magnets and use this new technology to build levitating trains. If I have the wrong citation, somebody correct me.