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Politics : Clinton's Scandals: Is this corruption the worst ever? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ann Corrigan who wrote (7450)	9/30/1998 4:58:00 PM
From: Les H	Respond to of 13994

California Town Celebrates the Extinction of the Sludge Snail LAS MADRES, CA - Residents of a small coastal town in northern California are celebrating the extinction of a former member of their local environment known as the Sludge Snail. Locals described the Sludge Snail as, "the most disgusting critter on God's green earth" and "the most repulsive and foul smelling thing to ever roam our planet". Said one resident, "Thank God that we are finally free of that nasty snail! If any creature deserved extinction it was the Sludge Snail." However, not everybody is happy to see the snail go. Two years ago the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) learned that the Sludge Snail population was getting dangerously low. The forest surrounding Las Madres was the last known natural habitat for this endangered species. In order to keep the snail from becoming extinct, the EPA sent their most experienced environmental soldier, Krishna Morningdew, to secure the area. Krishna's first decision after arriving in Las Madres was to put the town under martial-law. Troops were brought in to protect the snails and their environment. Under Ms. Morningdew's command all residents had their cars and trucks impounded as a precautionary environmental measure. After that, all remaining Sludge Snails were located and had small satellite tracking chips affixed to their shells. From then on if a sludge snail traveled onto anyone's property, that property was immediately confiscated and declared an endangered species habitat. Residents complained about having their cars impounded and their homes seized, but Ms. Morningdew justified these actions by saying, "It's selfish of these people to complain about losing their cars and homes. The most important thing is that these snails are protected from extinction." Morningdew appeared to have things under control until last month. That's when someone decided to wage guerrilla warfare against Ms. Morningdew's regime by systematically hunting down and killing nearly all the remaining Sludge Snails. Said one member of Morningdew's administration, "A few weeks ago our Satellite tracking records showed that a growing number of snails had stopped moving. We sent the soldiers out to investigate and found that the snails had been murdered. Autopsies revealed that they had been killed with a .133 caliber BB gun." Krishna rounded up the town's residents and put them in an internment camp as a means of forcing them to reveal who was responsible for killing the snails. The town's residents refused to give them any information. Much to Krishna's surprise, the snail killings continued. By the time Ms. Morningdew had realized that the snail killer was still on the loose, her satellite records showed that there were only 2 snails remaining. She personally went into the forest to save the last 2 snails. She located them and was in transit back to her base when she lost control of her jeep and slammed into a tree. Ms. Morningdew suffered only minor injuries but both of the snails were killed on impact. Upon the death of the two remaining Sludge Snails all the town's residents were released from the interment camp, their cars and homes were returned to them and the soldiers packed up and left. Said one woman who had her home seized, "The nightmare is over. We are once again free to live like other Americans." Krishna Morningdew is being held for killing the last two Sludge Snails. If she is found guilty of causing their extinction she will face life in prison without the possibility of parole. The identity of the person who was killing the snails with a BB gun is still a mystery, but the Las Madres' sheriff department has vowed to look "real hard" to find that snail killer.