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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (693)	10/5/1998 8:57:00 AM
From: paul t	Respond to of 2733

From Oracle Humor Astrology tells us about you and your future, simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth to describe you. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy and what you watch on television. Well, The Dilbert Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: Simply by your department or job title, we have you all figured out... MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is essentially what your job responsibilities are now. You are least compatible with Sales. SALES Most annoying of all signs, you are often referred to as "marketing without a degree," you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life. TECHNOLOGY Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your work place. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying, but who can tell? It is written that the Geeks shall inherit the Earth. ENGINEERING One of the only two signs that you actually studied in school, it is said that 90% of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel." ACCOUNTING The only other sign that you studied in school (because you were too socially retarded to do otherwise), you are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization. This, combined with your extremist organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane. HUMAN RESOURCES Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch, AND mail a letter! MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/TEAM LEADERS Catty, cutthroat, completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other Middle Managers as everyone in your social circle will be a Middle Manager. SENIOR MANAGEMENT Catty, cutthroat, completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other Senior Managers, as everyone in your social circle will be a Senior Manager. CUSTOMER SERVICE Bright, cheery, positive, you are a Fifty-Cent cab ride from taking your own life. As a child very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

To: Barney who wrote (693)	10/7/1998 8:41:00 PM
From: Wayne Rumball	Respond to of 2733

A hair lip walks into a store. He asks the clerk "how mush are your pistachios" The clerk says "5$ a lb" The hair lip says "ow thas too muth, how muth are your pecans" The clerk replies "Oh, sir, they are even more expensive, they are 8$ a lb" so the hairlip asks "well then how muth are your cathoows" The clerk ansewrs "much more expensive, 12$ a lb" The hair lip says, "OK I'll take some pecanths thinth you didn thay anythin about my hair lip" The clerk says, "well I didn't say anything about your hair lip since you didn't say anything about my big nose" The hair lip says "Thaths yer nose, I tought it was yer dick since yer nuts are so high"