To: kemble s. matter who wrote (69425 ) 10/6/1998 1:18:00 AM From: DO$Kapital Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 176387
***************OT***************** Kemble, you don't seem like you need cheering up but I thought you'd get a kick outta this: Crash Course on Etiquette/ For Rednecks! (Puns Are Intentional) On Driving: **When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. **Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape. Most consider it unsafe, if not downright stupid... **When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. **Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially while driving. On Personal Hygiene: **It is best to partake in some form of personal hygiene. **Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item. **While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN keys. **The same goes with biting and picking one's toenails. And never should one partake in this personal endeavor at the dinner table. While Entertaining in Your Home: **Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good his manners are. On Dating: **If you go fishing, always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. **Be aggressive yet polite. Let her know you are interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's bathroom wall two years ago." **If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, water tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in frustration. On Attending The Theatre: **For the best enjoyment for all, crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended. **Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you. On Wedding Attendance: **Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift. **If you are so honored to be the groom, it is best to refrain from bringing a date. **When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is. It's just too hard to explain... Etiquette for All Occasions: **Never take alcohol to a job interview, and especially don't offer it to the interviewer. **It's considered tacky to take a cooler or bottle to church. **Always try to identify people in your yard before shooting them. **Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's considered tacky to drive the U-Haul van in the funeral procession.