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Pastimes : BARDonics (comical interpretation and perspective) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Harley Davidson who wrote (641)	10/10/1998 3:18:00 PM
From: Patric	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 733

Thought this post deserved a spot on this thread: Message 5976872 : To: Sam LBI nj (7785 ) From: MskiHntr Friday, Oct 9 1998 8:04PM ET Reply # of 7835 Sam and all members of the thread I ran across the following which I think will be of immeasurable help in deciphering any future posts that Dixie makes in his somewhat convoluted style. Improved English Spelling The European Commission just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have less letters. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with"v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vordskontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. ACHTUNG! ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!! Ve haf also decided zat driving vil be changed to ze oposit sid of ze road. Ze irst year ve vil change over ze truks and buses. Best, Joe

To: Harley Davidson who wrote (641)	10/22/1998 5:10:00 AM
From: Harley Davidson	Respond to of 733

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?!" The man below says, "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering thirty feet above this field." "You must work in engineering," says the balloonist. "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone." The man below says, "And you must be a corporate manager." "I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."