To: Lizzie Tudor who wrote (9055 ) 10/12/1998 3:07:00 PM From: one_less Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 67261
I'm not speaking for Bill V. or any of the other people on this board that I sometimes get grouped with. <<Do you think every "womanizer" type guy is an abuser etc. Ex. all these sports guys and businessmen that have power so to speak. Are they all more or less rapists in your eyes?>> There are innocent people who suffer for the actions of these guys. I don't know the details of every situation so I don't know the specifics of who and how people are hurt in each case. The only time this is not apparent is during a time when the two people involved are describing their relationship as something "very special." That means the relationship is not subject to the social fix that the rest of the world is caught up in. In order for the "very special" identity of the relationship to hold water, the two people have to encapsulate themselves from the rest of the world. If their relationship touches, their children, spouses, other girl friends, parents, etc., the specialness quality no longer applies. The same entanglements of affairs discribed throughout history come into play. Sometimes people try to encapsulate such relationships by keeping them private, secret from the other members of their intimate circle. In most marriages, and other long term relationships, the partners share personal history, occupational accomplishments, stories of world travel and other culturally experiences. Both partners are enriched by learning of the depths of personality of their closest intimate relation. These things are enriching both to share and to hear about. Sharing about sexual encounters, conquests, etc. do not have a reputation of enrichment in the private relations of the two people. Why not? Is it because it creates division, jealousy, feelings of loss to the primary relationship? Rape is a violent crime. The situation of the "womanizer" type guy you discribed is one that lacks consideration. The consideration to each and every person that has any bond of affection for one or the other of the people involved is rarely, if ever an issue for the primary couple. So, is lack of consideration equal to rape more or less. Actually, the more or less degree would depend on the motives of the participants. If the motive of one of them is to hurt a third party by imposing a relationship that would cause serious emotional trama, that the third party has no say in; I would say yes, that's not exactly rape but it is something more like rape and less like a private affair. At the least degree you could say the one or both of the partners in the situation you describe, do not care, whether or not other people suffer as a result of their actions and aren't concerned about third party effects. Also, in the situation you posed there are always third parties, because there are the dumpers and dumpees of the previous relationship and the one that is to come. So, does this add up to abuser, etc.? When you as a woman talk about guys like this, I have a feeling you see them through feminine eyes. My apologies ahead of time for affending you and others for my opinion that follows. Boys and men who live like this see each relationship as a conquest. Once they've scored on what ever they were after, they are ready to move on. Women in these situations generally see themselves sharing something of great value that is going to endear the man to her, leading to deeper and deeper levels of commitment. I like Michael Douglas movies.