4:05 PM 10/22/98
OK, you asked . . .
Any human who is aware of life eventually concludes the existence of some higher
power. The more inquisitive of that group usually initiates an intense search for further
information.
In my case, after years of denial, I began to read anything/everything I could find that in
any way related to supreme beings, supernatural beings, spiritual presences, various
religions and other strange or wonderful ideas or beliefs. I tried acid, marijuana,
peyote, mescaline, psyllocybin, thc, ecstasy, cocaine, alcohol and miscellaneous
combinations of the above. If anything was missed, I wasn't aware of it.
I read Heinlein, Clarke, Nietsche, Leary, the Bible, Psychology Today, Sun Tsu,
Chuang Tzu, Lao Tzu, DT Suzuki, Dale Carnegie, Carlos Casteneda, Yun Men,
Moore, Cleary, and others too numerous to mention. Sometime in those many
frustrating years I began to experience the concept of which Jesus and other spiritual
beings spoke. I began to look within. (Maybe that came while in solitary confinement in
one or the other of our less modern penal institutions, but that's another story and is
really not important except as a lesson in stupidity).
Looking within is so simple it's complicated. First, one must learn to focus. Focusing is
considerably different from concentrating. Concentrating requires intense effort in
thinking. Focusing requires consistent gentle persuasion of the thought processes back
to the target. Thich Nhat Than calls this process "Mindfulness".
To focus, one attempts to become aware of what one's mind is doing. Once awareness
is accomplished, direction is attempted. The human mind rambles in multi-directional
spurts. The Taoists call this the "Monkey Mind". It jumps and swings from point and
thought to point of thought with little or no reason. Monkey is at the very beginning of
his quest. He doesn't even know he's there yet.
To balance the monkey, there also is that which is called the Sage. Sage is he who is
above others or so he believes. Sage complicates the quest be cause he thinks he is
already partway there when, in truth, he's farther back than monkey because he has to
overcome his preconceptions prior to starting his path.
The two together are you, me, them, he, she, it. Each of us has our monkey and our
own sage. It acts like a spirited horse capable of supreme power if it can be guided or
directed, yet guidance of this horse is more difficult than anything I ever attempted.
Many have described, or, should I say, attempted to describe this process. In my
thoughts, most have failed in the sense that while they see the forest, they miss the
trees, or is it the other way around.
Anyway, throwing all that input up into the air like Bedouins gleaning grain from the
chaff, I looked until I found whatever it is I've got. I'm happy with it. It works for me.
Life, to me, is usually an exciting proposition, and when it's over, I'll be able to say that
I experienced most of it, enjoyed some of it, and lived it all.
I have done that in which I have pride and that of which I am ashamed. (Actually, I'm
ashamed of the pride in the prideful things, and proud of the shame of the shameful: is
that contradictory?){an explanation exists, if you're interested}.
It matters little now. To find the peace within one must begin with a beginners mind and
learn mindfulness. Most paths lead up the mountain. . . . . some long, some short, some
crooked, some straight. If your attention span only lasts until the next interruption,
you're gonna' have an interesting trip. It may take several attempts.
If any of this makes sense, let me know, would ya'?
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