Who uses catsup? I always have ketchup. Does anyone use catsup?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
He paused to jot down notes. I looked around, but didn't see what he saw. Just the cafe's impresario smoking behind the bar, and a girl with short dark hair conversing with the chef. I motioned to the waiter and ordered a hamburger.
"So what's the new system all about?" I asked when he was finished.
He signed again, as though just the effort of thought pained him.
"It all started with a debate over the intertemporal karma cancellation problem. You know about that?"
I didn't.
"I suppose not. Maybe an example will help. Hmmm. Suppose an Arkansas boy in 1933 in the depth of the Depression robs $10 from his grandmother's cookie jar and spends it before being found out. Later he gets run over by a bus. He reincarnates as a girl in a middle- class New Jersey family, goes to the University of Pennsylvania, and gets a job on Wall Street. He-- she--gets a raise one day and in her euphoria gives $10 to a street person. So, and this is the classic question, does the $10 donation cancel out the $10 theft, karmically speaking?"
The hamburger arrived and I cut into it, but there was still some pink in the middle, so I sent it back to be cooked until it was done.
"So what's the answer, do they cancel out," I asked once the waiter had left.
"That's the rub. Think of the issues. The dollar in 1933 buys about ten times more goods than in 1985, so the magnitude of the two incidents are different in real terms. Next we have to adjust for the environment. What does it mean in 1933 for a young boy to steal $10 from his grandmother, as opposed to a young professional woman to give $10 to a street person in 1985? For example, there was one school of thought on the Karma Policy Committee that no one should be credited karma cancellation for acts in eras where there is social pressure to perform them out of political correctness. Can trendiness be equated with good karma? Then there is the issue of individual motivation. What if the boy stole the $10 to pay a vet to save his dog, an animal he loved more than anything in the world? On the other hand, one subset of the Karma Policy Committee considered the whole issue of individual motivation irrelevant, sort of on "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" principle. Suppose the street person used the girl's $10 to get drunk, wandered out into traffic, and caused a truck to veer into a crowded sidewalk filled with women and children."
"I see what you mean." The sheer magnitude of the problem was making me depressed. I consoled myself with an extra dollop of catsup.
"Okay. So one day the Council of All Souls petitions the Karma Policy Committee. The solution is simple, they argued. We create a market where those desirous of exchanging 1933 Arkansas bad karma for 1985 Wall Street good karma (that is, karma cancellation) can do so at an exchange rate that will be determined minute by minute in the intertemporal market place. Good karma buyers will get the lowest available price, while bad karma sellers will get the highest price."
"And that solved your karma valuation problem?"
"In some respects. Now we have markets for everything. Every karma type is priced relative to every other. Of course you need a numeraire. We arbitrarily took 1/10,000,000,000 of the total karma from the earliest building period at Catalhüyük in Asia Minor as equal to 1.0, and the magnitude of every other price is determined by reference to that. For example, yesterday's closing exchange rate against 5th century karma from Attila the Hun's invasion of Gaul was 436,784 units of the latter to 1 unit of the former, because of all the bad karma being dumped on the market from the Attila period."
"Does it pay well? Your job, I mean. All this paperwork."
He cocked his head. "We get 6 percent karma reduction per century."
"Doesn't seem like much, does it?"
"But it's safe. There's no danger of our karma getting any bigger while we're doing this. It's like buying a bond. The interest may not seem much, but at least you can always count on it being greater than zero. Accountants are like that, you know. We like to take the safe course."
"But you can't rid of all your karma that way," I said. "Your 6 percent is like the 17 percent we talked about earlier. Taking away 6 percent of the remainder every year will never remove it all."
"No," he said sadly. "There will always be a residual, and there's nothing to do about it except to reincarnate and earn the final reduction the old-fashioned way."
"And to do that you're taking the risk it might get bigger."
"Yes, although now that we have gone to the new system, there are karma futures markets, where you can hedge your risk by going long or short karma of a particular type. Suppose you're going to undertake a particularly risky incarnation, say in a real soul-selling place like Hollywood. Well, you go short a certain number of 1990s Hollywood karma futures. That way if you build up more bad karma than you anticipated, you just deliver the excess into the expiring futures contracts. Of course, like any hedge, it works both ways. If you acquire less bad karma than anticipated, you'll have to buy back some of the contracts, and so end up with more karma than you would have without the hedge. But at least you know what your exposure is before you incarnate."
What a bunch of wimpy souls, I thought. "What kind of spiritual coward would do something like that? What's the point if you don't take risks?"
He gazed quietly at me for a moment, and then laughed. He laughed and laughed. I felt embarrassed and looked around the room. The couple had stopped eating and turned to stare. Even the chef had taken note of us.
I was getting angry now. "What's so funny?" I demanded to know.
"You. You . . .," he paused to restrain his filthy mirth. "You should talk. You shorted the first 50 contracts."
He was still laughing when I stalked out of the cafe and slammed the door. You pay the check, I thought. Jerk. I know this place. Go ahead, pull out your Universal Credit Card here. Try and explain that to them. They'll bust your chops for sure.
I walked on down the street.
As for me, well, I'm hedged, aren't I?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
From Karma Accountant by J. Orlin Grabbe.
aci.net
aci.net
aci.net
|
