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To: jwk who wrote (3771)	10/19/1998 1:50:00 PM
From: allen v.w.	Respond to of 40688

Here's a little joke to lightin of the day. A young ventriloquist is touring the Southwest and stops to entertain in an Arkansas bar. He's going through his usual stupid redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says threateningly, "I've heard just about enough of your smart mouth hillbilly jokes--we ain't all stupid here in Arkansas!" Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy interrupts him and says, "You stay out of this mister--I'm talking to the smart mouth little fella on your knee!" *****************

To: jwk who wrote (3771)	10/19/1998 1:56:00 PM
From: allen v.w.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 40688

Just one more to make sure you all lightin up wright. A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn't be as much work as a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. She went to the owner of the store and asked how much. The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare looking a beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a whorehouse. Sometimes it says pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird. She said she would buy it anyway. The pet shop owner sold her the bird and she took it home. She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "That's not so bad." A couple hours later, the woman's two teenage daughters returned from school. When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and said, "New house, new madam, new ladies." The girls and the woman were a bit offended at first, but then began to laugh about the situation. A couple of hours later, the woman's husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new ladies; same old faces...Hi George!!!!" ALLEN: HA HA HE HE!!!