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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Janice Shell who wrote (13735)	10/20/1998 12:19:00 PM
From: Gauguin	Respond to of 71178

I didn't know, or forgot, you like rats. Prepared, I presume? eom

To: Janice Shell who wrote (13735)	10/21/1998 7:29:00 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 71178

TALE OF A STINKY RODENT I staggered downstairs yesterday and headed for Mr.Coffee, the only man I am willing to embrace in the.morning. While I waited for his medicinal, engine-priming, life-giving ministrations, I peered at the various cages and tubes that take up 1/4 of the breakfast room and was alarmed to see no signs of rodentlife. EYP the Stinky Hamster had disappeared. Ever alert, I noticed that the cover of one of the cages had no top. EYP the Stinky Hamster had blown the joint. Through the window I could see CW coming from the poolhouse. I'm not proud of the next few moments but if you lived with CW, you would understand my immediate instinct for survival. I ran to the cage and put the cover back on. "Good morning!" I chirped, racing back to my coffee, as CW entered. He grunted at me and walked over to the cages, where he addressed the invisible hamster in a much sweeter tone than I ever hear. " Hey, Little EYP, how is he this morning?....EYP? EYP?" Whirling, he hissed. "Where's EYP?"I widened my eyes as well as I could at 5:30 in the morning and tried to look ignorant, which is not hard, but also not convincing. Luckily Ammo clattered down the stairs. CW looked at him accusingly. “Where's EYP!” he demanded. Ammo gave a more credible appearance of innocence, probably because it was, unlike mine, legitimate, and shrugged. There followed a frantic search of the downstairs for EYP, the Disappearing Stinky Hamster-well, frantic on CW's part, desultory on Ammo's, and guiltily on mine. My Catholic upbringing finally forced me to admit that I had apparently left the lid off a cage, which permitted CW to spend a few minutes nastily castigating me for irresponsible behavior. Thank God they had to go to swim practice. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a small rodent in a large house? Well-I'll tell you. Impossible. EYP remains AWOL. This morning I stated the obvious: that we probably would next see EYP as a small dried up pile of fur in the vacuum bag. “But we just lost Blue too!” wailed CW, who has never emptied a kitty litter or fed an animal, and knows nothing of true parental care. “God is punishing us, “ I said. Why not? Pass the buck. Ammo, who is mostly silent but when moved to speak usually likes to recite lines from movies, raised his fists to the heavens, and cried, “From now on, we are enemies, you and I!” I recognized Salieri's speech from Amadeus. He went back to his cereal without further comment. Today I started to take apart the maze that winds around the kitchen table. “What are you doing!” cried CW, horrified. “Well, EYP's gone. We really don't need it here, do we?” “We don;'t know yet that he's DEAD! What if he comes looking for it?” I looked at the shriveled lettuce and seeds that he and Ammo had spread beguilingly around on the floor, hoping hunger would entice EYP home. Great. A shrine to a stinky hamster in my breakfast room. I sighed and replaced the tubes. I reminded myself that CW goes to college next year and Ammo two years later and then my breakfast room will be clean, and cageless. And much, much too quiet.