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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (799)	10/20/1998 11:45:00 PM
From: Garfield	Respond to of 2733

A father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, "Mommy, what is that long thing?" His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk". "No, at the other end." "That, son, is the tail." "No, mommy, the thing under the elephant!" A short embarrassed silence - after which she replies, "That's nothing." The mother goes to buy some ice cream and the boy, not being satisfied with her answer, asks his father the same question. "Daddy, what is that long thing?" "That's the trunk, son," replies the father. "No at the other end." "Oh, that's the tail." "No, no, daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation. "That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?" "Well, mommy said it was nothing," says the boy. Replies the father, "I tell you, I spoil that woman ..." \|V\| \|-\| \|-\| \|-\| \|-\| .-^-. _\|_\|_ .-^-. \| \.-~ ~-./ \| \| / \ \| \| \|..--~~~~~~~--..\| \| \_-~ ~-_/ / / \| \| \| H \| \| H \| \| .-H-. \| i / V \ ; \ \| \| / \________/ \________/

To: The Philosopher who wrote (799)	10/20/1998 11:46:00 PM
From: Garfield	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

A well to do couple had a child that instead of a navel had a golden screw. As he grew up it cause him many embarrassments; he couldn't go without a shirt, or press himself against anyone without being embarrassed. When he was in his early twenties he decided he couldn't go on. He decided he would take a ship around the world and commit suicide, at sea, on the final leg. As the ship toured the world, he would get off in each port and look around and did all the touristy things. He was still despondent and decided he would go ashore one more time, in one more foreign port, come back to the ship and commit suicide. He went ashore in a small asian port. As he was looking around he saw a sign that said "Elixirs" "We can fix anything." He walked into the shop where a little old woman greeted him by saying "You have a golden screw where your navel belongs. We have an elixir just for you." Needless to say he was skeptical, but he bought it and went back to the boat to follow the elaborate directions he had been given. When he got on the boat, he went to his cabin and opened the porthole. He put the bottle of elixir on the dresser closest to the porthole and went to eat. When he came back he showered, put on his pajamas, leaving the top unbuttoned. He drank the elixir, put the bottle on the dresser, closest to the porthole, and laid down, careful to stay on his back. Immediately, as promised, he went to sleep. As he was sleeping a golden cloud drifted through the open porthole. The golden cloud came right over where he lay sleeping; a golden thread descended from the golden cloud; at the end of the golden thread was a golden screwdriver, The golden screwdriver unscrewed his golden screw and whisked it away to heaven. He woke up and thought he had been dreaming about the golden cloud but he reached down and, lo and behold, the golden screw was gone. He lay there a few seconds in bewilderment but got so excited that he jumped out of bed: And his ass fell off!