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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Bob Willett who wrote (813)	10/22/1998 12:52:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Respond to of 2733

The following excerpts came from an article by Jim Carlton in The Wall Street Journal: Compaq Computers may change the command which reads "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. AST technical support had a caller complain that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. Turned out, the "dust cover" was the plastic bag the mouse came in. A man called a Compaq technician complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old 5" diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes and then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later, a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on and was heard putting the phone down and crossing the room to close the door to his office. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key. Yet another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks." A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and invalid." The tech explained he shouldn't take the responses personally. An exasperated caller to Dell couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. The tech asked if she had plugged it in. She had. The tech asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response was, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse. This story comes from Novell: Caller: Hello, is this Tech Support? Tech: Yes, it is. How may I help you? Caller: The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed? Tech: I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder? Caller: Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer. Tech: Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it? Caller: It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. I just has "4X" on it. At this point, the tech had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and had snapped it off the drive!

To: Bob Willett who wrote (813)	10/22/1998 12:54:00 PM
From: treetopflier	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Cat etiquette If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. Determine quickly which guests hate cats, or are allergic. Sit on that lap during the evening. He won't dare push you off and will even call you "nice kitty." If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much better. For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs select colors that contrast with your own. Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare. For guests who say they love cats, be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings or a quick nip at the ankles. Don't forget to hiss. Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about several things. This is particularly important during cold weather or mosquito season. If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For book readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie across the book itself. For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being moved for the second time, push anything movable off the table -- pens, pencils, stamps -- one at a time. Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for playing at night between 2 and 4 a.m. For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to dose. Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she calls a dropped stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it.