To: one_less who wrote (11101 ) 10/24/1998 5:45:00 PM From: jbe Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 67261
Re: Adultery ..But since you will continue to ascribe the view of the hypothetical "I" to me personally, Abdul Haq, let me elaborate on what I really think about the above subject (even though I do not care to discuss in public views that I consider intensely private). 1) I have been married (and widowed) twice. At no point did I commit adultery, or even contemplate it. I think I would have felt totally alienated from myself, if I had., because I would have betrayed myself , as much as anyone else. I believe in being thoughtful and honest in my all my relations with everyone, not just specifically in marital relations with my husband. 2) Did I ever tell my children -- "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery?" No. I think there is a better, more positive way, to influence over-all behavior, without relying on negative proscriptions. And that is to stress how important it is, in everything to respect others, to be faithful to oneself and to one's friends and relations, to value spiritual goods above material ones, etc. Once children absorb these general principles, they will apply them to all the particular cases that come up in their lives (including their family relations). And they are more likely to absorb them if the parents practice those principles themselves, demonstrating them by example (rather than by preaching). Both of my sons are married, and neither (so far as I know) is an adulterer. 3) My neighbor's sex life is none of my business. I would hope, for his/her own sake, that he/she not find it necessary, or desirable, to resort to adultery. But if he/she does, I do not know the circumstances, and so I withhold judgment. (After all, as in the case of stealing -- a loaf of bread? a bank? -- there are degrees of "sinfulness" here.) 4) If a close friend of mine committed adultery, and I knew the circumstances, would that change my attitude towards him/her? It might, if the circumstances were really damning (if the other partner were made to suffer grievously), but generally speaking I do not think that my love for a friend should be affected by it. 5) How do I rank adultery in the scale of "sins"? Pretty low, compared to such "sins" as cruelty, greed, chronic hypocrisy (sanctimoniousness), intolerance, selfishness, etc. Of course, adultery can be linked to or even caused by these other sins, in which case it would be only one of many practical manifestations of a "bad character". 6) Would my attitude change towards an individual in public office, if I learned he/she was an adulterer? It would not -- unless I were convinced it was a practical manifestation of basic qualities I would not want to see in an elected official (e.g., greed, cruelty). Otherwise, I would not see it as relevant to the performance of his/her public duties. 7) What do I think of the trivialization/exploitation of sex (and of adultery) in the popular media? I find it completely obnoxious and distasteful. But those themes can be addressed with intelligence and taste (as they have been in literature). If you find that a satisfactory answer, Abdul Haq, I am happy. But if you do not, I would appreciate it if you would keep your dissatisfaction to yourself. These are deeply held personal views, and I do not want to battle over them publicly. jbe